Poems For People Who Don't Deserve Them

Titles are hard

How numb do you have to be before it starts to affect those around you?

When they ask questions on why you're acting so odd lately, that this you isn't the "real" you.

That you should just snap out of it.

Life isn't that hard.

No, maybe not...

Not for some people.

For others- for me, it's excruciating.

Being numb, being the other version of "real"

It's just a different layer.

I want to scream

"I am still me!"

But Ive come not to trust the words that want to escape.

Because along with them, are thoughts I've never thought.

Jumbled, messy images and letters.

I can't even tell if my opinion is even mine anymore.

When I give advice, I can't tell the difference on if it's helpful or incomprehensible.

Topics are blurry

Along with that word people keep throwing at me
"Future"

Im still me, just

More alien

It's harder to tell which way is left or right

I can't even trust my hands to tell me which direction to go in

They look different every day

Being numb, it's a part of who I am

People around me are affected by it

I can tell, but it's like I'm floating above or away from it

My voice isn't mine

My thoughts, ideas,

My words.

People tell me that this isn't the "real" me.

I brush it off, and wrap myself in another layer of thick skin.

Because deep down I know, that I'm still here.

The real me.

What I'm terrified of most?

If this, right now,  isn't the "real" me

... then who is it?