Poems For People Who Don't Deserve Them

How do you feel?

How does he make you feel? Like on the inside?" The question made me tilt my head, the thought not ever occurring to me but the answer was quick to reveal itself.

"Do you ever go on one of those rides that take you all the way up, and then drop you down at high speeds? That feeling you get in your chest, that's how he makes me feel." Was my response.

"Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"When I'm on my way to see him it feels like the slow decent upward, and then the realization that there no garuntee that when he's ready, he'll be ready for me, is the sudden drop down. Its a sharp pain in your chest. Like cold air passing quickly through a small hole; it literally takes your breath away. It brings tears to your eyes and you have the sudden urge to sob, no matter where you are."

"Then why do you keep talking to him? Why do you let him do this to you?"

I smiled and looked at the ground, shaking my head as that painful jab in the chest that I can only describe as the heart strings tightening made its familiar appearance.

"Because," I said as a single tear fell onto my open palm "when he smiles at me, the ride is over and you have a relaxed, thank god feeling rise inside you. And you feel giddy again. Like you've survived, and you can survive it again and again. No matter how many times you feel like you wanna die."