(Jessie' s pov)
You know funny thing about me is that no one ever bullied me, was never picked on. But one person can say only one thing about me and it pushes me off my radar. Like one moment I'm happy and on top of the world and the next I'm scared to death. I never told any one but just because I'm smiling on the out side I'm having mixed emotions on the inside. Never told a soul. As I got older with people always telling me what to do and what to wear. Later on in life I stared to forgetting who I was.
I'm completely lost in my own mind.
Some times I feel like
Nobody likes me
Nobody wants me
Nobody needs me
Nobody cares about me
Another funny thing about me is what i realized about it, depression doesn't really ever make you sad. In the beginning sure your sad, but in the end your just completely zoned out of life itself, your unable to feel.
Think of it like this, depression is a parasite. It gets inside of your head and you start to hear those voices.
"Your ugly".
"You ate all three meals, your so fucking fat".
"You have no real friends, nobody loves you".
"Go kill yourself, your a waste of air".
"You look ugly in that pic, like normal".
"Your so stupid for even liking someone, they will never like you back anyways".
That's not even the begging of the things the voices say. They torture you for eating, even if you don't eat they will still call you fat. When you try to look prettier the voices only call you uglier. You cant do anything to stop them. You get so used to them telling you how worthless you are, that you believe it, its common sense for you. You want to die because that's what the voices tell you that you want. Its your body vs. mind. Your mind is happy that your doing what it tells you to do. Your body is weak. And you soul is just watching all of this, it cant do shit. So no don't say depressed people are sad. They are just confused and helpless. Watching themselves crumble apart is hard, and might sometimes be sad. But other times you just gotta be happy about it, your now less fat, less ugly, and know the truth about life. In the end of depression your sitting there crying, while also bursting out laughing because its always funny when a fat ugly girl is suicidal.
A year later I was diagnosed with bipolar depression.
"Take the pills"
They said
"You'll fell better"
They said
I don't feel any better just worse. But that's only half of it.
