Going Solo

Part 41

Emi

"I'm gonna kill him." I grabbed the back of his blue collar button down and pulled him back to his seat next to me on the couch.

Haruko was sleeping soundly while snuggled in her bright pink baby blanket, cradled in her car seat which I'd sat on the floor next to me when I came in. My oldest brother Shin was shocked to see me at his doorstep at this time of night, let alone in tears. Thankfully the doctor told me we were free from Hepatitis B, but he also told me that I would have to wait for the results to the complete STD screening. When I told Shin what happened, I could immediately see the heat rising to his neck and face.

"Shin, you're not going to do anything. I don't even want to think about him right now." I said, breaking into tears halfway through my sentence.

He was scum. He was a cheater. A liar. Unfaithful. Disloyal. He wasn't worth my thoughts, let alone my tears. I knew that. So why couldn't I stop shaking, why wouldn't these tears stop pouring out? Shin pulled me into his arms, my tears now staining his perfectly ironed shirt.

He pulled away, hands grabbing my shoulders. "Have you told Akira and Akio?"

I shook my head 'no', my throat closed too tight to speak. Shin sighed. "I'll call them in the morning."

I shook my head again, "No. Don't bother them. I just-"

"Just nothing." He interrupted. "They need to know. There will be no discussion about this."

I sighed, knowing there was no hope in arguing with him. "Fine." I said, in barely a whisper.

"You know where the guest room is. I'll find you some sweatpants and a shirt to wear so you can bathe and get to bed."

"Wait. Shin, I need your help with something else."

"What do you need?"

"I want to start school again."

"You mean you're seriously going to consider acting again?"

"Yes. Shin, I'm serious this time. It's the only thing I have left. The only piece of me that stayed the same all these years, throughout my marriage. I've always regretted giving it up. I don't want to regret anymore."

Shin sighed. "Emi, you know how much I hated our father, but the only thing we ever agreed on was the probability of you becoming a successful actress."

"Shin, I don't have any money. The only schooling I've had were acting classes and I didn't even finish that!"

"What do you mean you don't have any money?" Shin questioned, tilting his head. "What happened to the money dad left?"

I shifted my eyes away from his. Knowing he'd be fuming if I told him. He grabbed my arm.

"Emi..." He warned.

"Do you... remember the health insurance company Kenji started up last year?"

Shin immediately released my arm, just to slam his fist onto the hard walnut coffee table in front of us. I jumped a little at the sound of impact. He inhaled a deep ragged breath before letting out, "Emi... How could you-"

"Wakateru! (I know!)" I shrieked. "How could I have been so stupid?!" I whispered, head in the palms of my hands.

Shin sighed, rubbing my back in an effort to console me. "We'll talk to Akira about it tomorrow. For now, you need sleep."

I shook my head, knowing he was right, then stood up from the couch to head in for the night.

I stopped just before leaving the living room. "I'm not giving up on acting Shin. Not this time, but I'm gonna need your support." I insisted, then sauntered back to the guest room, Haruko's car seat in hand.

As soon as I entered the unused, catalog-worthy guest room, I sank to my knees. As if all the energy I had left me, I melted there on the freshly vacuumed carpet. I rested my head on the handle of Haruko's car seat and sobbed as quietly as possible.

As if sensing my pain, Haruko began to struggle against the seat belt which hindered her mobility. Gradually her soft grunts became hollers. I unbuckled her seat belt, lifted her from the car seat, and pressed her to my chest. I rocked her back and forth, gently stroking her back. Not that it helped. Her cries got increasingly louder and my sobs increasingly stronger.