Summer After High School

37

Brian

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay talking to her ? " Tammy asks me as I button my shirt.

"No. But I have to, I want to hear from her, I want to know how she's really doing. I want to see her again. It's a miracle that she even agreed to meet up with me. "

"Yeah. I know it's a miracle. Be smart though, remember she's not yours anymore so don't try to do anything stupid. "

I don't know when this ache will fade, this ache I feel in my heart anytime I realize she's not mine.

"I know, Tammy. I think I-I have decided to let her go."

"But you still love her. "

I nod my head in response as if It was a question she asked and not a statement she made.

"I am still in love with Paige but I think letting her go would the best for her. I won't lie, I don't even know how that will be possible on my part but I have to try. I have to let go of the love that I have ruined. I'm never getting her back, I know it," My throat burns as I speak about letting her go.

"Alright Brian. I know you'll be fine with time. After the lesson, the pain will leave. "

"I wish I didn't have to learn the hard way, " I say to her.

She smiles but her eyes doesn't, " I wish you didn't have to learn the hard way too, " she says.

"Thanks for everything, Tammy. "

"What are families for? " she questions. "Tell me about how it goes when we talk later, " she adds as I close the door behind me.
..............................

I seat on a chair under a tree at the park waiting for Paige to show up. I've never been much of an early comer except when trying to make things up to Paige. But here I am, I've been seating under this tree for 30 minutes, waiting to see her face.

Isn't it funny that when we lose someone we tend to start doing all the things we should have done when we still had them?

"Brian, " she yells, walking towards me.

I stand up but I don't move an inch forward. I just stand and watch her, registering every detail about her in my heart just incase this is the last time I'd see her again. She's putting on a white shirt and black sweatpants, a perfect epitome of beauty in simplicity.

"Hey, how long have you been here? " she asks me, her eyes laced with concern.

How could I have let my selfishness blind me? Why did I ever hurt her in the manner I did? I ruined something I needed forever in trying to have something I wanted for a few minutes. I ruined my forever in a few minutes. The level of my stupidity hurts. I don't even deserve her standing in front of me with concern laced in her eyes for me.

"Just a few minutes, please sit, " I say to her.

She takes a seat and I sit beside her. But I don't know which is worse, the distance between us as we sit or the distance between our hearts as we speak.

"How have you been, Paige? The truth, please. "

"Well, everything is going fine. Dad is really getting better and things are okay with mum, plus.. "

"How are you Paige?" I cut her off.

"I'm fine," she says, not speaking further.

I look at the girl I'm in love with but she's not looking at me. She's staring straight ahead into the green of the grasses surrounding us.