MerAdd Oneshots

I never meant to hurt you

"Addison" Meredith chased me down the hall of the hospital, trying desperately to talk. But I didn't want anything to do with her, I couldn't even look at her.

I was married for Derek for ten years. Ten fucking years of my life, we had a big wedding and a lovely honeymoon, we were in love. But I wasn't enough for him, I was never enough for him. He always needed more, more work, more surgeries, more excuses to not have to be at home with me.

And then she came along, and without even trying, she was more than enough.

"Addison" she catches the elevator right before it closes, and manages to get me alone in a corner where I can't run, I can't hide, I can't ignore her very existence. I'm forced deal with her, and I don't want to.

"Meredith" I deadpan "to what do I owe the pleasure" I didn't want to hear it; I didn't want her to go on and on about how I should just divorce Derek and how he's with her now and how they're in love and blah blah blah. My heart couldn't handle hearing it.

"I'm sorry" she catches me by surprise by apologizing, and I feel taken aback. Stunned, I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.

"I know it doesn't make up for everything" she quickly says, wringing her hands nervously "but I'm sorry. Had I known he was married, had I known he was like this, I wouldn't have given him the time of day. I can't love someone like him, and I wanted to let you know in person"

Again, it's as if she's jumped into my brain and stolen all the words. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to her, what's even appropriate for this situation? Words didn't feel like enough.

"I never meant to hurt you" is all she says before the elevator dings to announce its stop, and she's slipping out the door as fast as she'd come in, like she'd never been there in the first place. As if her presence ceased to exist around me.

I stood there and watched her walk away, completely captivated.

~

I thought about what she said a lot. Her words ran through my mind, and as I sat in bed I found I couldn't sleep, I could only think.

So, deciding to talk to Meredith, I got in my car and drove to the hospital where I knew she'd be working the graveyard shift. All the interns were on the graveyard shift this week, I knew that for a fact.

The hospital wasn't overly busy, so it wasn't hard for me to track her down. There, sitting cross-legged on the floor of an empty hallway with a stack of charts and a cup of coffee. She looked exhausted.

"Meredith" I greet her, before sinking down to the floor and sitting cross-legged next to her. "I wanted to talk to you about what you said today" I state, half nervously.

"Of course" she asks, confused "but, what did you want to talk about?" As if there was nothing to talk about, not at all.

"Meredith, you know what happened between Derek and I. You know what I did to him" I say, feeling completely ashamed of myself. Sleeping with Mark was not the answer to my problems.

"I do know" she nods her head "what does that have to do with my apologizing to you?"

I sigh in frustration. "Meredith, you didn't need to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one who fucked up here" she seems surprised by my use of foul language.

"But you're not the only one who did" she states slowly "just because you cheated on Derek, didn't give him the right to do the same. He didn't earn the right to lead me on, lie to me and break my heart. He didn't earn the right to abandon you in New York with no explanations, and he most certainly did not earn the right to act like he didn't leave you behind. Just because he was hurt, didn't give him the right to hurt people back" she explains to me "even if you did hurt him first, he was still your husband and if he was half the man he said he was, he would've worked it out with you before ever running to me"