Looking Through Stain Glass Hearts || Nial Horan Fic

Chapter 23

The walk back to the bus was the one of my longest when in rarity it was only a block or less at the most. As I passed by the lights in the door it illuminated my face and as I stared at the ground I also the the light catch and reflect on my tear stained face and I knew I wasn't living out my dream, I was within a nightmare. And as I paced my walk to be longer than getting there I tried to dry my face, cool my heated cheeks, and breathe, but the more time I had the more I wanted to run away.

This feeling isn't normal for sure, I mean, I should be ecstatic to be here and living out a dream, but instead I'm a miserable emotional wreck. So much for not caring and moving on. I finally rejoined the group but I was dazed, I felt out of it, almost physically sick. Then Sadie hugged me and I finally regained hearing that I hadn't realized I had lost nor was without during my walk. And it all moved in slow motion. I got on the bus and everyone avoided eye contact without me, which was better than staring, I assume. I sat down and plugged my earphones in my ears to drown out the chatter and stared out the window. In the reflection I saw all four girls in the hallway with worried expressions, but I was too exhausted to turn and give them a small, fake smile.

I felt the bus shake to life and heard them all take their seats and realized that I shouldn't push them out like this, but it felt so easy to shut off the world like this. Just as we were about to pull away from the curb and head out, I saw Niall rejoin the boys and then, if my instinct he looked straight to my window and he look intensely at me, or at least I thought he was until he turned away and I realized that our bus had tinted windows. Soon I felt a tap on my shoulder and contemplated pretending being asleep, but wen against that, pulled out my earphones and turned to Sades.

"You okay?" she asked with a very concerned expression.

"I'm going to be," I told her, but it was more like I announcing it to all four of them.

"We've all been through this. It feels like forever, but it really is just temporary," Bonnie sympathized.

"I know, it just doesn't feel like it now and sulking right now feels better than pretending to be content with the situation," I admitted.

"Hon, you just need a good night sleep," Lila replied trying to cheer me up with her bright smile.

"Cause that is definitely possible on this bus," I joked and Samantha smiled and I returned it but I'm sure that is not what it looked like. I wanted to shake the depression that was ensuing but it just didn't work, and then i thought back to Niall, and felt even lower. Why didn't he believe me? And he practically admitted he believed Hallie over me which stung even more.

"Hey, Harry just texted me and said that they are talking some sense to Niall.did he really say he believed Hallie?" Bonnie asked me looking at my face.

I nodded at her, but by now i was done analyzing this and over thinking it so I changed subjects, "and what is going on between you and Harry?" I had to ask while giving her a mischievous smile.

"I never know really. I think we're going somewhere and then it is more like friends, and I swear if I get in the friend zone I'll go insane," she admitted while looking down.

"Hey, thanks for making it sound like I'm hopeless!" Lila exclaimed from behind and we laughed at her raised eye brows.

"But I see you two flirting all the time," Samantha said to her tying to give her hope, but of course Bonnie dashed that by saying, "yeah, but he flirts with everyone."

"Not like he flirts with you, i mean he is always looking at you laughs at all your horrible jokes," I told her with a smile.

"Really? He looks at me?" she asked then caught on to the other half of my statement, "Hey! My jokes are to funny!"

"Sure, babe, whatever makes you feel better," Sadie said sarcastically earning a thumb upside the head from Bonnie making us all laugh.

"Well we all can't be super lovey dovey like some people," Lila said insinuating Sadie and Louis.

"Yeah, jeez, you two are practically boyfriend and girlfriend," I said and I saw Sadie blush, "are you?" Then we all stared intently at her and waited for an answer.

"No, but I want us to be. I hope we can get there," she told us.

"You doubt it?" Samantha asked and we were all sucked into this conversation.

"It all musts seems to perfect. You know? And when it becomes so simple you become paranoid that there must be something wrong, and when there isn't, you try and make something and the trouble starts," she explained to us.

"Or maybe it seems perfect, but that isn't because the relationship is, but more you are perfect for each other," I told her and she smiled.

"I knew there was some reason I liked you," she commented while hugging me around the neck.

"So what is with you and Liam since we are covering all the relationships," Lila asked Samantha.

"What about you and Zayn?" Sam questioned trying to turn the subject around.

"How about Sam tells us about Liam, since Lila asked first, then Lila will tell us about Zayn. Deal?" Sadie offered earning a nod from the two and then Sam took a deep breath.

"Liam and I are fine," she said but we all looked at her knowing full well that was not the case, especially by the deep breath she took to start off.

"Ok, all I know is that sometimes I feel like he compares me to Danielle and I told you guys, I don't want to be the rebound," Sam said then bloomed down.

"What makes you think he compares you to her?" I asked and she raised her head to meet my gaze.

"Just how he asks little things like, do you model? Do you like to shop? I mean, I'm not stupid, I've seen Danielle the beautiful dancer with great clothes," Sam said exasperated.

"Well, hon, he was in that relationship for a while. I don't think he is comparing, he is just stuck in routine," Lila told her trying to let her see it from a guy perspective.

"I guess, but I'm done worrying over it, tell some Zayn news," she said flipping the subject. Then we all looked to Lila who looked sad to discuss this, which really hurt me as her friend.

"Not much to tell, he is happy with his lovely talented girlfriend," she said sounding very defeated.

"Hey! You are talented too!" we all protested.

"Yeah, guess, but I'm not some professional singer," she was telling herself more than us.

"Okay, this pity party has officially been crashed by the cheering up police, we seriously have got to be more positive," Bonnie said and We nodded but an awkward silence ensued because we weren't sure what to say after that.

"Did you hear Adele has two albums on the top ten?" Sadie said randomly making us all laugh and breaking into chats about Billboard and Spiderman's Andrew Garfield.

Then the conversation died down as we noticed that most of the bus had gone to sleep so we decided we should do the same. We quieted down and I ended being the night owl, being the last to go to bed I as I looked up at the stars I wondered, what should I do? Should I walk away, even though I have done that and it didn't work it out, or do I try and convince him that I'm telling the truth. But to be honest I was tired of fighting for this, I felt more like a pacifist in this moment, no matter how gorgeous that blonde hair was, how deep those blue eyes were, or how sweet he was. That made me think back to the day he saved me, I touched my now imaginary black eye and my heart swelled. Then I was tapped on the shoulder.

"Harry just texted me, Niall wants to talk again."

"Why?" I asked curiously turning to face Bonnie to keep our conversation quiet so we wouldn't wake up the whole bus.

"Well, the boys may have spilled about your crush and now he wants to talk."