grasping onto something i cannot see

fourteen

i'm skipping thirteen. it's unlucky. (what? this is my fucking story, lads, i can do what i want.)

anyway, the next few weeks were spent being the grossest and most adorable couple the world has ever seen. but christmas was quickly approaching -- and i, realizing i had no family except for my gram and my dog, started to get those snazzy seasonal depressive episodes.

but it all changed on a friday night, when phil was just about to leave my apartment because he had an early shift the next day. "hey, dan..."

"yeah?"

"i'm going to be in florida all of next week for christmas. my family is there."

i swallowed hard, realizing that spending every waking moment with phil for the past few weeks would not make going seven whole days without him easy at all. "oh?" was all i could muster.

"yes, and i know that you have your gram and maggie here... and i don't know, maybe it sounds a little crazy to ask but...if all three of you wanted to come with me to florida, we could all spend christmas together."

i was taken aback for a moment -- christmas? together? to me this was definitely a foreign concept. for as long as i could remember, my parents had hated even being in the same room as each other, which meant eating together and exchanging gifts all while merrily sipping lightly-spiked 'eggnog' was a big no-no. (i think i watch too many hallmark movies.)

normally, i would politely decline because the idea of meeting several new people at once while being blind and needing to impress them is terrifying, to say at the least. but christmas with phil? there isn't a thing on earth i wouldn't do.

"thank you," i said, wrapping my arms around his neck and squeezing the life out of him.

"you don't have to thank me, sweetheart," phil responded.

"oh okay, while we're talking about things we don't have to do...you really don't have to go to work tomorrow, do you?"

phil let out a short laugh. "yes, sweetheart i do. how else am i going to buy you nice things?"

"whoa, slow it down, mr. 'grocery store minimum wage salary'."

phil playfully hit me. "shut up, blindy."

i pouted at him and he laughed a little, sitting next to me on the couch again. "i guess i could call in sick tomorrow..."

"yes!" i said, jumping up. "absolutely you can! in fact, i think you're about to get sick right now." i pressed my hand against his forehead. "you're burning up. i think you should call in. it's for the customers' safety."

phil rolled his eyes -- well, okay, it felt like he did. i might have embellished it a bit so i could show his affectionate annoyance for me. but whatever.

"all right, dan, you get your way again," phil said jokingly. "you really couldn't spend a night without me?"

"absolutely not," i said assuredly. phil giggled.

he turned up the volume of the tv a bit -- the movie Kill Bill was on, which is a personal favorite of mine. "ooh! i love this movie."

phil moved closer, wrapping one arm around me with the other one resting on my leg. i pretended this was a cute gesture and didn't spread embarrassing warmth to my entire body.

"i love you," phil reminded me.

"i love you more."

"you can't, howell," he said, kissing the top of my head, and then my cheek, and then my lips.