grasping onto something i cannot see

six

i smiled at phil's words as i felt the brisk breeze caress my cheeks. the air seemed to smell faintly of hyacinth and a little petrichor.

"beautiful day," i remarked as phil grabbed my hand and lead me to our picnic spot.

"isn't it?" he replied. his hand was warm.

we walked along a path for a bit but then veered off into a densely wooded area. we went slowly so i wouldn't trip on sticks and other obstacles (which i was very prone to doing). but eventually, we reached it.

"okay, now you can sit," he said. i slowly lowered my body onto what felt like a thick blanket, faintly feeling the chill of the ground through it. i shivered.

"oh, are you cold? do you need my jacket?" phil asked almost instantly.

"no, no it's okay," i said, overwhelmed by the fact that a person could actually be this nice and thoughtful.

"are you sure?" he asked. i nodded in response.

"well, in that case, let's get to it," he said. i snorted, my corrupt mind taking me to places other than eating.

"oh, shush," phil said.

"sorry, dad."

phil laughed. "i'm only four years older than you."

"...-dy." i finished. he laughed harder, and i joined in.

phil was still giggling when he spoke. "oh my god, never call me daddy again." a phrase i have heard all too many times.

i listened as phil opened what was probably some sort of basket and removed many things. i smelled the freshness of fruits and veggies but the tanginess of barbecue and salt-smelling vinegar crisps. if there was one thing i was an expert on, it was food.

"what do we have here?" i asked.

"well, i made caprese salad with fresh veggies just to be fancy, but if you aren't much of a salad guy i made grilled chicken and shrimp kebabs too. i brought strawberries and blueberries and peaches and apples with caramel, and made my own salt and vinegar crisps last night. for dessert, i have no-bake cookies and banana creme pie. and homemade lemonade too."

i sat for a second, speechless. "that's a lot of fucking food," i said after a while.

"i got a little excited last night, yeah." phil seemed to get a little shy.

"let's move in together so you can make me food all the time," i said, making him laugh.

"so, what do you want?"

"everything," i said without hesitation.

phil passed me a few plates and some cutlery and i served myself. we ate in silence for a while, the only sounds being made by me saying "oh my god this is so good," several times with my mouth full of food. he giggled each time.

eventually, we finished the main course(s) and phil brought out dessert. he cut me a small piece of pie and i delved into the banana goodness like a kid scarfing down halloween candy. phil seemed flattered by my enthusiasm.

"is it really that good?"

"mmm, you have no idea," i said.

"i'm glad you enjoy it!" he did seem glad. i'm glad my excessive eating made him so happy. to be fair, it was the first time i had a good meal in years.

eventually, our lunch did come to a sad (but fulfilling) end. phil packed up all the extra food and i helped him fold the blanket so he could put it in the basket. the lazy winter sun had traveled overhead, signaling it was a little after noon.

"what's on the agenda now?" i asked, hoping that i got to spend more time with phil before he left.

"well, i'm free for the rest of the day, so whatever you want," phil replied. he grabbed my hand again as we crossed a busy road. stop blushing. he let go after we crossed.

"it's cold," i remarked as we continued walking.

"you're cold a lot," phil said.

"so is my heart." a classic joke, but phil took it more seriously than i had intended.

"you shouldn't be so negative about yourself, dan. i get that jokes are jokes but from what i can see you are a beautiful person, inside and out. and i've only known you for one day."

i smiled, feeling my dimples create caverns in my face. i still couldn't help being negative, though. "maybe you only think that because you don't know me that well."

"well, if you let me get to know you i can tell you for sure."

"you're the worst," i said.

"why's that?" phil asked.

"making me feel butterflies and all this lovey-dovey stuff. i'm not used to it," i said under my breath. i'm pretty sure he heard me, though.

"is that really a bad thing?" phil asked in a i-know-it-isn't tone of voice.

"it's the furthest thing from bad," i replied.

i could tell from the next thing phil said that he was smiling. "you're cute."

"am not," i protested.

"are too," he said back.

we probably could have gone on all day like that, but we were interrupted from what seemed like a very-arbitrary blizzard. it started slowly at first, but soon snowflakes came down in heaps, covering our faces and bodies. phil giggled, and i shivered.

soon, the wind picked up, and i felt like my bones started feeling like icicles. phil must have noticed, because i soon felt a warm coat set on my shoulders.

"no, phil, you don't have to--"

"you're freezing, dan. i can tell. plus, i'm warm-blooded."

i didn't protest any further, pulling the coat close to me and enjoying the scent of lavender and cologne.

"let's head back to my place for a bit. do you like video games?"

phil laughed. "i think i'm in love with you."

i guess that means yes.