grasping onto something i cannot see

four

i woke up around 10 o'clock at night. fuck.

my sleep schedule is really going to be messed up now.

i rolled over, wincing at how stiff the couch had made my back, and found that i had been laying on my phone the whole time.

i asked siri for notifications. she said i had not one, nor two, but three missed calls from phil. god, he must be obsessed with me, i thought as i frantically called him back with giggles much like that of an anime schoolgirl.

phil picked up after a few rings. "hey dan. sorry for calling you so much."

"nah, don't be," i tried to reply in my most suave, sultry voice. it sounded more like winnie the pooh with a posh british accent, on helium. "my cat nap somehow turned into a deep, 7- hour slumber."

phil laughed. god, that voice of his. i didn't know something could sound so hot and so cute at the same time.

"i've been there. anyway, like i said, i'm off the whole weekend. you don't have to say yes, because i know we literally just met today, but...do you want to hang out sometime?"

i purposely waited a few moments to respond so i wouldn't seem so eager. "yeah, that sounds great. when and where?"

"i don't know. where's your favorite place to be?"

this made me think a bit. i pictured the bustling traffic and loud, overwhelming noises outside my door, coupled with the bitterly cold winter air and the lack of food readily accessible whenever i want. honestly, my favorite place is right here.

"probably my house," i said honestly.

"we can hang out there, if you like," phil said. he fumbled to get out the next words. "but like, i'm not trying to impose myself and i know it's kinda sudden to ask to come over and i'm sorry if i sounded cree--"

i interrupted him. "phil, you are more than welcome to come hang out here. it'll be fun. i have a dog."

phil laughed, seeming relieved. it took him a little bit to respond. "wait, i can't pet your dog though, since it's a service dog, right?"

"well, you can at least see her," i pointed out. "that's more than i can do."

phil paused. "i don't know whether to laugh or cry at that statement." this made me laugh really hard.

"sorry, sorry, i make dumbass jokes like that all the time," i said. "i'd rather people laugh at my disability instead of ignoring it."

there was yet another pause in the conversation; however, there seemed to be nothing awkward about it. it was like i was sitting next to phil on the couch, drinking tea, and each pause was just one of us taking a sip. i felt warm, comfortable. and feeling comfortable is something that is very rare for me.

"you're adorable." i almost choked on my metaphorical tea when i heard phil say that.

"what did you say?" i asked in astonishment.

"i said, 'when did you want me to come over'?" phil responded. that asshole. he's so lovely.

"oh yeah, that was definitely what i heard," i said, clearing my throat. "you can come over tomorrow around, i don't know, 10 or 11?" i then gave phil directions to my flat. we exchanged a few more witty remarks, and then he said he had to go.

"are you really going to sleep at 11 pm? loser," i scoffed.

"hey, i had to work an eight hour shift today," phil said. "also, the sooner i sleep the sooner i get to see you." there was a pause. "but mainly the shift."

"you absolute dork," i couldn't help the fondness that showed up in my voice.

"maybe," he said. "anyway, good night dan!"

i said goodnight and put my phone on the coffee table. i then relocated to my room where i curled up in the covers and prayed that i would be able to sleep normally tonight. but i knew that i wouldn't; i was far too excited to see phil in the morning that it was unlikely i would even shut my eyes at all. i stared in the direction that i knew my window was in, and imagined what it would be like if i could see the stars. i've heard that they are beautiful.