grasping onto something i cannot see

eight

i woke up an hour or so later, noticing that i was alone on my couch. i checked my phone for texts; there were three from phil:

"hey dan, i got called into work, i'm sorry. you looked too cute laying on my shoulder, i didn't want to wake you."

"was it creepy that i called you cute? i didn't think before i sent it. i swear i'm not a complete weirdo."

"but anyway, i had lots of fun today, let's hang out some more if you want. :) "

my heart felt happy hearing those messages. maybe, just maybe, my sudden feelings for phil weren't unreciprocated.

__________________________________

phil was busy working for the rest of the week. besides the job at the grocery store, he was also a part-time barista and a chef at the quaint cafe near my apartment. i don't know how he does it.

on friday, i texted him "i miss you." and he responded almost immediately: "are you free this weekend?"

"i'm free every weekend for the rest of my life," i responded dramatically. "what did you have in mind?"

"i don't know, maybe you can come over and hang out?"

"sure. yes. of course. when? where?"

"you're adorable. i'll pick you up around lunchtime tomorrow."

i was excited. "i'm going to go to sleep early then. see you tomorrow."

"bye!" phil sent a heart after his text, which made my heart feel like it had broken out of my chest and ascended upward into the setting sun. gross, i know.

i left my phone sitting on the couch and got up to go into my bedroom. i typically shuffle my feet so i don't step on anything while i'm walking, but today i shuffled right into magnolia. she was laying in the doorway of my bedroom.

"maggie?" i said. she didn't reply.

i bent down and touched her, making her yelp loudly. i jumped, concerned.

maggie had never gotten sick before. she was only 3 years old, still young. i tried again to move her legs or lift her up, but she yelped so much that i gave up. at this point, i realized i had no idea what to do. i couldn't see anything, had no form of transportation, and no way to lift my dog off of the ground. it was then i picked up my phone and called phil.

he picked up rather quickly. "hey, dan?"

"hey, phil, uh, what are you doing?"

"i'm shelving the last of the groceries here. i don't get off until another hour, though. is something wrong?"

"well, kinda," i felt guilty, asking phil for help when he already had so much to do. "magnolia, she's really sick and i don't know what to do. i don't know, i just figured maybe you'd be able to help."

phil seemed genuinely concerned. "that isn't good. i'll be over right away."

"but phil, what about the rest of your shift."

"i'll figure it out. don't you worry, okay? stay put." he ended the phone call. i hugged my phone to my chest as if it was phil himself, grateful that i had someone who really did care about me. i sat patiently and listened to magnolia's breathing as i waited for phil to arrive.

his knock on the door came a few minutes later. magnolia did not bark three times like she usually does, making me even more concerned.

"come in," i said. phil opened the door, and i immediately smelled his familiar sweet and pine-y scent, calming my nerves just a little. 

"hey, dan," phil knelt next to me on the ground and gave me a side-hug. i felt warm.

he asked me for permission to touch magnolia, to which i obviously agreed.

"what's wrong, girl?" he asked my sick pup. she sighed at him. 

"hmm, her nose is dry," phil said. he sounded a bit uneasy. "she also looks a little swollen on her belly. this might be a stupid question, but is there a chance she is pregnant?" 

"no, no way," i said. "she's always by my side, and service dogs are typically fixed before they are assigned to an owner."

"mm, okay," phil said, deep in thought. i heard him get out his phone and start typing. 

things were quiet for a bit until magnolia groaned again. "phil," i said worriedly. 

"has she drank much today?" i got up and located her water dish, which was still filled to the brim. 

"no," i answered. "and now that i think of it, i don't think she went to the bathroom at all today." 

"ohh, wait, i think i got it," phil said. "google says that constipation, dehydration, and a swollen belly are all signs of roundworms." 

"is it serious?" i asked.

"i don't know," phil replied honestly. "i'm not an expert on this. let me see." 

i scooted closer to phil, comforted by his warmth. i had no idea what i would do without magnolia; she was my best friend.

phil seemed to take this as some sort of invitation because he put his arm around me, opening space for me to lay my head on his shoulder. i did this without a second thought. 

"it's gonna be okay," phil said, his voice brushing against my ear. "there's a vet clinic a few kilometres from here that is open twenty-four hours. i'm sure they have some medicine for maggie." 

"i hope so," i said, mostly into his sleeve. "you can go home and get some sleep now, though. it's late." 

"no, i want to stay here with you." phil's tone was adamant. i felt like millions of butterflies had just been released into my stomach. 

"okay." fuck if i'm trying to argue any more with him. 

"okay, so guess what we're doing now? we're going to get some medicine for maggie." 

"we are? are you sure? you don't have to..." 

phil was already up on his feet. "let's go!" he grabbed my hand and we headed out the door.