At His Feet

Ashamed?

This morning as I was saying my prayers, the words "ashamed" kept popping into my mind. It scared me because it made me think of being ashamed of the gospel but then after reading, I'm thinking maybe there's another reason but it ties into the gospel.

Mark chapter 5:1-20

It is the story where Jesus Christ (God and God's Son) heals a demon possessed man. Now what does this story have to do with the words "ashamed?" Well...after Jesus healed the man, the man wanted to follow Jesus but Jesus told him no.

Now I know what you are thinking; "How is that ashamed???! He wanted to go with God and live for him!" Let me explain.

Jesus told the man to go back home and to TELL others about God's mercy and all God has done for him. This stands out to me because the man obeyed but sharing his testimony with ALL the regions of the land where he lived. He told them what God had done for him and everyone he spoke to where amazed.

Imagine this scenario; what if the man was ashamed to share his story? What if he was scared to tell people that he use to be possessed by demons because he felt cringe whenever he remembered his past? Think about it? No one in his region would have ever heard of Jesus Christ the Messiah, God's Son and how God is merciful and loving. Everyone would have simply walked on with their lives, dead in sin, and empty without a relationship with God. No one would have bothered or gotten curious or stood in awe at God's goodness and it would have been a missed opportunity to share the gospel with others who don't know God.

Now you see my point? God can use our testimonies to show others His love and goodness in our lives. Our testimonies can be a good way to open the gospel to people and show them that we are Children of God.

I had to pray and repent of this seconds ago because I am ashamed of my past. I cringe every time just thinking about the stuff I use to do, how I use to talk, and the way I use to be. I do carry a lot of shame and that stops me from my calling. That prevents me from sharing with others the gospel, God's love and mercy, because I'm being stubborn to show people my brokenness. I want to be macho and strong but that is not how it works.

I need to be humbled and open; allow people to see my past so they can see God's hand in my life. They can see the mercy God had on me and the forgiveness and salvation He gave to me. How God just looked at me and instead of running, He simply walked up to me and hugged me despite all the disgusting garbage I was covered with. He took me and washed all that stuff (sin) off of me and freed me from the things I was trapped in.

I spent so much energy trying to be "perfect" and put together that I wasted sharing my story with others. I wasted opportunities, trying to look for ways to share the gospel without sharing my story.

God can use me to touch others...I know he can because he did it with me. Whenever someone shares their stories with me, I feel myself connecting with them, touched and amazed by their past and how much God brought them out of the things they went through. God will use me the same way. Someone, somewhere, needs to hear my story, needs to know they are not alone or forgotten and that God loves them and wants a relationship with them too. They need to know that there are others who understands them and wants them to know God out of love, not out of duty.

I am not proud of the things I use to do and how I use to be but now, knowing and understanding that God can use my past to help others...then I find that I can rejoice because I am not seeing my mistakes or the darkness that covered me but I see God's love and mercy and light that saved me and can save others too.