At His Feet

A prayer we need as our own.

Proverbs 30:7-9

Two things I ask of You; deny them not to me before I die:
Remove from far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches;

Feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny You and say, "Who is the Lord?" or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God.

The prayer if clear: God, help me not to sin against You. Since I first read this verse, it just stuck to me because I want to live right. I want to live close to God and not sin against Him in any way. I think this a prayer we all need to pray; a prayer that's genuine and wise because they've been times in my life where I got too prideful and times where I was tempted to sin against God or walk away. Give up. Praise God that He didn't let that happen. I'm standing because my God in heaven and my Lord Jesus Christ kept me going and beckons me to draw nearer to Him. It's a sweet place. A place where despite the chaos and worries - I'm snuggled safely and secured.

It's hard to explain but its a place of contentment. Where I'm neither rich nor poor - being content with what God gave me. Its kind of like when I lived in texas. My family wasn't rich, in fact, my dad had to work three jobs just to put food in our mouths. We didn't get designer shoes or even new stuff (we were Hand-me-downs baby!) and garage sales we're our jams (still is)! But I honestly loved my childhood. I had what I needed: Not a lot but also not little. I had food, water, a family...the older I got and the more I gained, that's when life became difficult. I had new stuff and valuable stuff but inside...inside I felt pretty empty. Those years I couldn't stand. Looking back, I honestly wonder how I survived my high school years.

God is good.

Honestly, God is really good. He saved me and clothed me and just takes care of me. He's bringing me to a point where I'm changing. I used to want a lot of thing during my high school years. Things that I used to think I needed. One of the biggest issues that my God got me through was wanting to be "somebody."

I wanted to be famous. A famous filmmaker or youtuber or writer - something that could wow a person and be awed by others. I wanted a career and felt the stinging pain when I had to get a warehouse job. I wanted to accomplish something big.

But you know what?

I'm honestly grateful that God did not allow that. He didn't allow me to go to film school or get a job I wanted. Instead, He placed me in a place where I was uncomfortable and couldn't stand. I went through a season where I felt humiliated and low - like I was a loser...but it was all for my own good.

You see, God is good and God makes all things work for the good of those who love Him. I was very prideful and had a twisted mindset. I thought I was inclined to get everything I wanted - that I was too good to work a "low" job. Typical American mindset, huh? If that pride would have stayed and if God would have allowed me to get everything I WANTED, then I'm positive I would have turned.

Since God loves me too much to let me fall away - He had to deal with my heart. He had to break my pride and now, I see Him elevating me. A good father does that. He gives His children what they need, not what they want. My pride is poison and who wanted to let their kids drink poison?

Now, I'm at a point where I'm content. I don't have fame - I struggle to write for the life of me. I'm not a rich, famous youtuber or sophisticated writer. I still work at a warehouse, lifting boxed for five hours a day. School is going to cost a fortune but...i'm content. God's with me and that's very peaceful. I'm content in my Father's arms, feeling His warm embrace. I'm neither poor nor rich but its a beautiful and freeing place to be.

All I need is God (Jesus Christ.) He's all I need.