Long Live Us - Alex Gaskarth Fanfic

Chapter 18

He hasn't called me. And that's why I can't concentrate in school. The teacher's talking in front of the class and has already asked me for an answer like three times so far but I didn't listen and I still don't. I just can't. It's been a few days since the night I spent at Alex' house and I don't think that he's gonna call me. I told the girls everything and they're sure he's gonna call me. They're positive about that thought but I actually don't believe in it at all. Why would he call me? He probably lied to me all the way. I mean, I'm a fan, I've been a really big fangirl, of course I bought it. And maybe he does that all the time. Maybe he has done it so many times before. I feel sorry for the next one. I have to move on. That was ... I could not actually think that this would work. Me and Alex. That's crazy. I'm not good enough for him. I have to move on, there is no way around that. But I like him so much. Not just for the artist that he is, also how he was acting around me. It couldn't be just a lie. Not all those things he said to me. Not those kisses, not that night. He was so different than I thought he'd be. But why would he actually like me? Why would he like me enough to keep the contact going? It's crazy, a lovely thought but crazy. It's not gonna happen. He got bored of me, so simple is that.

In the break I don't eat, after the break I don't concentrate in class. I focus on my drawing. It's just a heart-shaped guitar. I'm not really good at drawing but it says more then thousand words. Anna could not cheer me up in the cafeteria and now I'm just sitting next to her in english class and she can't say anything to cheer me up either. The teacher talks and talks but all I can think of is Alex. "Stop that!", Anna whispers and pulls the paper out of my hands. "No. It's my way of expessing..." "Expressing what?" "My feelings." "Right, don't you dare draw more guitars! Especially not heart-shaped ones! Also no more microphones or clefs! Got it? He will call you! But he's busy, he's in a band! He doesn't have time every single day! You know that, he's your favourite singer, you have to know that he's not free all the time." "I bet he has other girls." "What?" "I bet he even has many girlfriends at once." "What the fuck are you talking about?" "Why would he only have one girl if he can have more?" "Are you crazy? Stop that, he will call you!" I take another paper and a pen. "I'll punch you if you draw any kind of thing that has to do something with music", Anna threats.

I just sit at home in my bed and watch old Nickelodeon TV shows. I just watched Zoey 101 and now I'm totally into Drake & Josh. Why? Because those are the shows I watched when I was a kid. And I want to be a kid again. I want the time back when I didn't even know All Time Low existed. The times when I wasn't fangirling over bands. The time when I fangirled over Winnie Pooh. But I can't go back in time. Is this a break-up? Because Alex said I'm his girlfriend but never broke up with me. The doorbell rings. I don't want to open. My window is open and people on the street will know that I'm home because of the loud TV noise. But if I wait long enough, the people might disappear. I'm not expecting anyone and my parents aren't home. So if the people want to see them they'll have the same situation when they just go or I open them and tell them to go because my parents are not home. The only difference is that I'd have to get up and leave my favourite TV show from the early years. It rings again. I don't move. It rings over and over again. It sounds like the rhythm of Lost In Stereo but that's just me thinking about ATL and I don't want to listen to them because that'd hurt me. Before it was making me happy and now it just makes me sad. The ringing doesn't stop. I start to get scared. As I look out the window I can't see anything because of the little porch roof. So I go downstairs really slowly and look out the kitchen window but I still can't see anything. What the actual fuck? It rings again. They probably saw me walking by the door and are now sure that someone's home. If it's for my parents the people would be smart enough to leave because they know that my parents aren't that immature to stalk the door outside without opening and only I could be so childish so they could actually just leave. But it must be for me, so I finally open. My heart stops for a second. It's Alex. "Hey", he says looking really confused. He's actually here. I look at his flawless face. He's wearing black skinnies and the same Foo Fighters shirt I have. A leather jacket over that, his looks are perfect. His hair also looks perfectly messed up with hairspray as well. Why does he have to be so attractive? I nervously bite my lip. I feel myself becoming more and more shy every second I stare at him. I think my voice is gone so I hope he says something. But I want to tell him so much. I'm confused again, my thoughts are a mess. "I don't know you well enough to figure out how you are when it comes to stuff like relationships. You know, I ... I'm trying to change. And I thought I did, I thought I was going into the right direction when I met you. Because you made it easy for me to change into someone who is faithful and doesn't flirt around. But then I started to think ... what if you lied to me and you actually aren't like that and...?" "I am like that!", I interrupt him as I finally manage to get my voice back. He looks at me with his brown eyes, they turn bigger. "Are you?" "Yes. I thought that's it. I thought you'd avoid calling me now because you're moving on. Moving on to someone who isn't as boring as I am." "I told you, you're not boring." "But I can't offer you anything, Alex. I am just some random girl you met at your show. I go to school and I'm not really popular and..." "And that's what I like about you! You are real, you're not trying to be someone you're not. You are great like you are. I don't want to date someone popular because those people are shallow and they only see me as lead singer Alex Gaskarth who can maybe give them money or fame. But I like you because I thought you see more in me." "I did." "When?" "When you told me those things at the restaurant." "I thought I ruined everything because I rushed you the other night." "You didn't. I told you that I wanted it." I take a deep breath. "So I only misunderstood everything?", I ask. "What do you mean?" "You're not tired of me?" "Fuck, no! I want to get to know you more." "Really?" My heart melts. "Yes. And I thought you would not wanna see me again." "Why?" "I don't know you well enough to have any idea about how serious you get." "I don't break up with people just because we had sex." "I'm happy to hear that, me neither." "Good." I smile. He smiles back. His smile is so much more beautiful. Suddenly I realise how I look. I'm in my pajamas and my hair is messy as fuck. I don't know how my face looks but suddenly I blush because I realise how much of a fool I am right now. "Oh god ... don't even look at me, I look horrible", I stutter. I want to go back in but he takes my hand and locks my eyes. "What are you saying? You look beautiful", he says with his soft voice. I shake my head slowly, unbelievable that he just said that. "Yes, you do", he repeats. I feel ashamed that he's looking at me while I'm looking like an idiot. "Can I get changed before we go on talking?", I ask shyly. "How about you get changed and then we'll go see a movie? Do you have time?" I blink fastly. He wants to go out with me again even though I'm looking like shit. I slowly nod my head. "Come in", I say and step back. "Thanks", he says with a smile. I'm happy that I'm alone because my mum would've totally gotten it wrong that I invite Alex in. "Show me your room?", he asks and bites his lip. "Sure...", I slowly reply as I start to think about if there's anything embarrassing in there but I can't make up my mind. He follows me upstairs. Then I see it as I walk in first. No. It's of course the really big ATL poster right next to my bed and the collage on my closet that has a lot of pictures of Alex and Jack on it. Shit. I close my eyes for a second because I'm so ashamed. Then I turn around, expecting him to just run away. "What's wrong?", he asks as he looks around. "Nothing..." "Something's up, right?" "Look around, dammit! Don't you think I'm weird?" "Hey, I don't care about that. I knew you're a fan. Whatever." I smile. How is he so perefct and understanding and...? "Oh, right ... you wanted to change, take your time. Can I go to the bathroom for a sec?" "Sure, it's right when you go out of my room." "Thanks." I hear him walk into the bathroom, closing the door. Then I run to my closet and freak out inside. What should I wear? Because he's gonna come back any second. First I put a little make-up on and style my hair with some hairspray. I take off the fucking pajama and look into my closet. There is simply nothing in there to wear. Suddenly I hear the door open and almost jump from shock. "Oh..." Alex looks at me and blinks. He slowly walks out the door backwards, stuttering. "Oops. Um ... sorry ... I mean, uh ... I didn't mean to ... thought I ... sorry. Nothing I haven't seen before though anyway, so ... sorry ... you look great though..." He closes the door again. FUCK. How akward was that? I mean, he's right, he has seen it before and at least I had underwear on right now. But it was still a really uncomfortable moment. My face turned so red and I can't call that just blushing anymore. I fastly put on grey skinnies. Then - just for the joke - I put on the Foo Fighters shirt. At the first date I would've never done that but I feel like Alex made me more confident so I'm not afraid of what he thinks about me anymore. I hope. I open the doors where he's standing right in front of me. "Sorry again", he says and bites his lip. "It's alright." "I was just wondering if you'd give me your hairspray?" "Sure." I had it to him and he walks back into the bathroom to start styling his hair. "Cute", I say with a smile. He laughs, then gives me the bottle back. "So, you ready?" I nod. "Good." He takes my hand as we go downstairs.