Long Live Us - Alex Gaskarth Fanfic

Chapter 8

"And you didn't tell him?", Kristen asks. "I couldn't." "But what did he say?", Greta wants to know. "He completely understood that I didn't want to talk about it. And he texted me last night that he's there for me and that I can tell him anything." "That's sweet", Kristen says, stroking my arm because I'm crying again. Anna walks into our direction, I already see that she's worried. As she reaches our table in the back of the cafeteria, she sits next to me and hugs me from the side. "What's wrong?", she asks but I figure she already knows and just isn't sure. "No ... are you crying because of...?" I can only nod, she knows. "Why?" But I automatically know that she's gonna cry too. Now Greta tries to comfort Anna, Kristen tries to make me calm down. Anna sobs, she's out of control as well. "Is she seriously crying because of Joel again?", Anna asks desperately but just keeps crying herself. "He's gonna be fine, I'm sure", Kristen says to make both of us calm down. "How did you bring it all up again?", Anna asks. "Alex asked me about my cuts." "It's not your fault! I told you a thousand times!", she shouts in tears. "It is! It fuckin' is! It's is my fault because if he wouldn't have protected me, he wouldn't have fought Kyle!" "He fought Kyle because he wanted to! You didn't tell him to do it!" I can't reply, I can only cry again. Anna takes my hand. Greta and Kristen realise that they can't do anything about it. "I didn't tell him to but he still did because of me. And Kyle's still out there, that's what scares me also." "I know, honey, I know. But we'll go through this together, it's not your fault. We told you so many times and that's why you stopped cutting. And you will not start it again! Alex made you so happy, he distracted you so much! Don't bring yourself down again!" "But it's this permanent pain and the feeling of being guilty for what happened to Joel, it's always there." "You're not guilty. It has nothing to do with you." "It has!" "No! You know that no one is feeling worse about this whole situation than me but he decided to fight Kyle. You didn't tell him to." "But I caused the whole incident." She breathes in deeply and wipes her tears away. I do the same and then we look at eachother. We both know that this fight only leads to more sadness. "Let's go to the hospital today", she says. "Are you sure? I thought we won't until something happens." "I don't care what we said about that. I want to go." "Alright, then we'll go together. We'll go through this together."

As I'm standing in front of the hospital, I get a text from Anna.

I won't be able to handle this. I will not leave if I go. You know me, you know what I mean. Sorry.

I take a deep breath. I won't just go back home. Now I'm here. I'll go in. But I know that this will cause emotions that I won't be able to control. I take a deep breath and go through the door. At the reception desk, the woman looks at me with a motivating smile. "How can I help you?", she asks politely. I breathe in deeply again. I keep my eyes wide open so I don't start to cry. "I want to visit a friend." She looks on her computer. "What's the name?" "He's a coma patient", I say but my voice shivers with those words. She looks sorry. "You've been here before, right?", she asks. Now I remember her too. She stood in front of the door with me when I was crying like crazy. I nod and smile to show her that I also remember her being so lovely to me. "Yes." "Do you still know where you have to go?", she asks. "Yes, I think so." "Good. Do you want me to come up with you?" I feel like I'm falling. "Yes, please", is all I can get out. She smiles and gets up. "Can you fill in for me for a sec?", she asks another nurse. Then she walks next to me as we enter the elevator. "Can you tell me anything?", I ask but I already feel the tears coming. "Nothing's really changed. He's still stable and it's possible that he might wake up any second. But it has been like that for such a long time now." "I know..." "And his parents have as much faith as you have and that's why we're still having him here. He must be a great person." "He is." "You told me what happened, he was so brave." I sob and nod. I press my lips together. "Yes", I agree. The doors open and she walks down the hallway with me, holding my hand. I need that, someone who stays strong with me in this moment. She opens the door. "I'll stay outside", she says and sits next to the door. I nod and take a deep breath again. Then I walk in and close the door behind me. As I turn around, I prepare for the shock. And yes, my heart feels incredibly heavy as I see him, lying there all helpless. I walk to the bed and automatically just take his hand. He won't die. But if he does, I will never find out how he knew that Kyle wanted to rape me. Pictures come back, seeing Joel lying on the floor. He was bleeding and he was passed out so I was so alone. He must have been desperate about me not running away when he told me to. He wanted to save me. And he did. But for this horrible price? I know the doctors want to be motivating and want to tell us so many things but I am sure that a miracle has to happen for Joel to wake up. But I believe that he will. He will wake up. And then I will owe him so much. I fondle his hand in mine. My face is wet from all the tears, they won't stop running down. I press my lips together. His hand is so cold. I lean down and kiss his cheek. "I have faith in you, keep fighting", I whisper. I look up to the monitor that shows his heartbeat. And I see all the cables he's connected with, he looks so helpless. He never used to be like this. He's so strong and so brave. It kills me to see him like this. Suddenly the feeling is back, the feeling that made me not come back here. I take a last look at him, then I run out of the room. "Are you okay?", the woman asks me. I nod. "But I'll go now", I say and as I walk down, taking the stairs fastly, I get my phone out and call Alex. "Yes?", he asks. "Could you pick me up at the hospital?", I ask. I need to tell someone. "Of course, I'll be there in a minute."