Sandstorms- Destiel- Supernatural

The Wall Is Broken

 

"C-Cas?" Dean asked.

"Come with me." he demanded, gripping his arm tight and leading him towards his small red Volvo.

The elder Winchester didn't protest.

He followed his boyfriend and got into the passenger seat.

"Cas, if this is about-" he asked.

"Dean, don't you dare say you're fine. You are not fine."

Dean seemed taken aback.

"We are going to talk. I'm not going to let you kill yourself this way."

Castiel seemed so bold and confident in this moment, he was normally so shy, it almost scared Dean.

He pulled out a cigarette.

"I know it's hard, but you need to tell me, or someone what happened. It hurts me, seeing you this way. It scares me."

Dean looked at him, his blue eyes glistening with fear and something else he didn't recognize. Blue met green, and suddenly he felt like crying.

He took a drag, and held the cigarette with two fingers, away from his mouth.

"Look," he started. "I want to tell you, Cas, really, but it's gonna scare you, it's gonna scare Sam, and I really wish I could just forget about it. It's violating to even think about it, I feel like I need to take a shower."

"Dean, don't consider my feelings, just tell me."

He felt guilty. He threw his cigarette out the window.

Castiel pulled the car over.

"You haven't said anything to me in a week, you're drifting away, because of whatever this is. You're locking yourself out from the rest of the world and letting it win. Please Dean, I can't! I can't let you do this to y-"

"I WAS RAPED, OKAY?!" he shouted.

Castiel's eyes widened, suddenly he looked small, and shy again.

"What?" he asked.

Tears spilled from Dean's eyes, his head in his hands.

"How do you tell that to your little brother? Hey Sammy, your big brother was raped, now he needs counseling, so we're not gonna eat for a week!" he choked out.

"Dean..."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you! Okay? I'm sorry! But, seriously, it was probably the worst thing I've ever been through and talking about it makes me feel like it's happening, I can feel everything and I can smell the way the room smelled and it's fucking terrifying, OKAY? I was able to bury it, and that was my best bet. I wanted you to be comforted by you, this whole time, that' all I wanted, but I've felt like, for whatever reason, I don't deserve it. I don't fucking know...w-why, okay? I-I love you Cas." the crying got more hysterical as he finished.

"Dean." he whispered. He unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over, collecting as much of him as he could in his arms.

He cried into Castiel's shirt, inhaling his scent and calming down, finally, taking deep breaths.

Castiel kissed him gently.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry we didn't meet sooner. I'm sorry you didn't have a lot of money, and I'm sorry I couldn't kill Alastair when it happened. I wish I could've been there for you Dean. I would've...done something, anything to help you."

Dean's breath was shaky, he felt another sob rack his body.

"Hold onto me Cas." he choked. "Don't ever let go."