There Must Be Something More

92 | Why Does This Happen?

It seemed as if I had driven a thousand miles and left Arizona for good.

But I hadn't. I knew it when I saw my high school just several yards in the distance. I let out a whoosh of relief. I didn't know what I'd do if I'd accidentally left my state. I didn't think Mom and Dad would care enough to come find me.

I caught myself and sneered. Stop with your self-pitying. You know your mom and dad love you even in a situation like this. They're just pretty much overwhelmed, that's all. They don't know what to do with their own boy who's suddenly so sold out for Jesus.

The place where I stopped my pickup, almost sixty yards from my high school, had always been empty. The grass have always been withered. The ground had always been dry. That moment when I was sixteen years old, I took advantage of the depleted place, knowing no one there would bother me. 

I stopped and parked my vehicle on the sidewalk and hopped off. I smelled the warm Arizona afternoon air and let the wind blow my hair back, feeling cold in the forehead. I closed my eyes and smiled. I remembered the very first time I talked to God--it was on that cold night, on my rooftop, very curious about the deepest things.

I frowned. When I still didn't need to give up every important matter in my life.

That time, though it feels so silly now thinking back on it, I felt like God was a traitor. Yes, I knew He didn't promise it'd be easy following Him, but I also knew there'd be rewards for your labor. But I wasn't seeing any rewards. It was like doing a really hard work for a month and not getting any pay for it. It was getting ridiculous. I was losing everything instead of earning a lot because of the obedience I've been doing.

I frowned. I looked at Meredith's life and how fruitful it was. It seemed to me that God loved to take away all the important things in mine, but He loved to bless Meredith with everything she's been doing.

I exhaled. Could God possibly have favorites?

I saw a boulder huge and wide enough for me to use as a chair. I walked towards it and sat down, looking out onto the horizon before me. I rested my elbow on my knees and said nothing. 

And then I broke the silence.

"I don't know what more You want, God," I said aloud, looking up at the cloudless sky. Birds circled the heavens, as if dancing in inaudible rhythm. As if rejoicing over the struggle I was facing. I scowled and picked up a pebble and threw it high to the sky. It dropped to the chasm instead of reaching the fowls. 

"I'm being ridiculous," I muttered to myself and quickly stood up. I jogged to my pickup and smiled. 

I now had a place where I could think. I named it Charlie's Boulder.

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I spent the time playing baseball with a bunch of third graders in the neighborhood diamond. It was fulfilling, seeing as I felt it a long time since I played. I also felt like God wanted me to relax for a while, which I was very grateful for.

The moment I felt as if I was soaking in my own sweat I stopped. I looked up the dimming sky, noticed the now brightly-lit streetlights, and realized it was already nightfall. I knew Mom and Dad would be wondering where I'd be, considering I hadn't sent a text as to where I was after school. I also felt it unnecessary to do, so I quickly said good-bye to the kids and hurried to my pickup. I started the engine and revved it towards our street.

One the way I managed to step on the brakes on time when I saw Grandpa Chuck carrying loads of grocery bags and a basket of milk. I quickly ran towards him and helped, inviting him for a lift.

"Why isn't Meredith with you?" I asked, looking at the rear-view mirror to face eye-to-eye with him in the backseat.

"I'm giving that nice little girl a break," he said with a grunt.

"How do you mean?" I asked in bewilderment. I almost took my eyes off the road too long, but I quickly remembered.

"I imagine she hasn't told anybody," he said. He looked out the window. There was a wistful gleam in his eyes that I wished I never saw, but there it was. His gray hair looked absolutely white in the old afternoon light.

"Hasn't told anybody what?"

The old man sighed and looked me in the eye through the rear-view mirror. "Her mom and dad have been captured. They've been arrested for having an underground Christian church. They're in Shenzhen Prison at this moment. Heard it in the news two days ago."

I gripped the steering wheel tight. I clenched my jaw. "They got arrested for spreading the gospel?"

"Yes. For doing God's work. Just shows you that we're in the last days as foretold in the book of Revelation," he said. He folded his arms to his chest. "Meredith and I have been interceding since we found out."

When we got to their house, I took the opportunity I so wanted.

"Why does this happen?" I asked him.

The old man looked me square in the eye. "What are you talking about, Charlie?"

"Why does this happen to people who believe in Jesus? Why does this happen to people who obey Him?" 

Grandpa Chuck gave me his wrinkly smile and patted my shoulder. "Because we're standing up for the truth in this deceived and fallen world, boy. Because this is exactly what Jesus prophesied in Mark 13:9: You must be on your guard. You will be handed over to the local councils and flogged in the synagogues. On account of Me you will stand before governors and kings as witnesses to them. 

"And what is also said in Romans 1:18: The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness.

"And also in Acts 9:16: I will show him how much he must suffer for My name."

"Grandpa!" Meredith squeezed her face on the window beside the old man. She grinned and waved hi. Grandpa Chuck laughed a hearty laugh and let the girl help him with the grocery bags and milk.

"You should've told me so I could have come with you!" She said, pouting. Then she spotted me and grinned. "Hi, Charlie!"

I shook my head. "You're not mad at me?"

"I suppose I should be. And I am. But we're still friends." She said. "Trey did tell me about your conversation."

I pursed my lips. "Well, I need to get home now. Good night."

"Nonsense," Grandpa Chuck grabbed my shoulder. He grinned at me. "You're going to have dinner with us. We have a lot to talk about."

Judging by the firmness of his grip, I knew I had no way out.