There Must Be Something More

111 | Garage Sale

At the crack of dawn, I was up cross-legged sitting on my bed, my Bible on my lap, leafing through the book of Psalms. And my Rhema Word for that day astounded me.

I asked the Lord what He thought of the dream I had about the principal expelling me and my mom and dad sending me to military school for preaching the gospel, and this is what He gave me through divine conviction:

They are like a dream when one awakes; when You arise, Lord, You will despise them as fantasies. (Psalm 73:20)

It was all but a dream. The enemy wanted me to get entrapped in my past by scaring me of the future, but what he doesn't know I may not know what my future holds, but I know the One who holds my future. And if God said He knew the plans He had for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future, then He's going to do it. He's never done anything to fail me yet.

I had myself so succumbed to my emotions the past few days that I had only focused on the good of the old days and the bad of the present day. And boy was I wrong for doing so.

Sure, during the old days I only had to worry about impressing Krista all the time, but man, was that exhausting--constantly checking myself if I was good enough, did good enough for her. Always feeling like I was never enough. Always thinking I should do better, look better, be better.

And sure, I only had to worry about my parents ignoring me, but they still did that now--whether I was saved or not, they were going to ignore me for the rest of my life, unless God does something about it. So it wouldn't have mattered if I met the Lord or not, they were still going to be the same. Why did I ever think my life would be better with them if not for the Lord.

Yeah, my only problem in school was Precalculus, but that was meaningless. That problem of mine never pushed me to do anything good or become a better student, it only allowed me to slack off considering it was too easy a problem. I took things too lightly because my problems were also too light. Everything was meaningless.

But now, being in the Lord, my problems in school were pushing me to do better for the Lord. God was using them to mold me into the person He wanted me to be. Sure, I was uncomfortable most of the time, but I was never really comforted in my comfort zone. It was only in the discomfort zone did I find true comfort and peace. 

Yes, my problems were lighter before, but they also amounted to nothing as opposed to my problems now.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)

God was using my sufferings for my good. For His glory. 

My life is way better now.

The enemy wanted to keep me imprisoned by my dark past and keep me in bondage, but not anymore. I had to completely let go of my past. I had to completely let go of the things I lost. I had to completely let go.

And it'll start with the cardboard box filled with stuff under my bed.

As the sun came up, I had emptied out every single thing that had to be emptied out of Michael's room and filled them in boxes. Old toys, clothes, and the like.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Charlie, where are you taking those?" Mom asked, her voice in a frenzy staring at all the stuff I had taken out of my late brother's bedroom.

I chuckled and looked her in the eyes. "Mom, I'm ready."

"Ready for what?"

"To move on. Michael's gone and he's never going back. But I know he's in a better place now, and I look forward to seeing him again when it's my time. But in the meantime, he surely wouldn't like me moping around his loss and acting as if life had stopped six years ago. It hasn't. In all reality, life has just begun now that I'm sixteen. I found my purpose."

Mom stared at me for a good five seconds and smiled. She hugged me tight and kissed my cheeks.

"I'm glad you're okay, Charlie," she cupped her hands to my face. 

I let the tears flow and Mom chuckled and was in tears too. We hugged some more. After a few minutes dad joined in the emotional moment, and we helped completely clean out Michael's room and transform it into a guest bedroom.

After having done everything, Dad took one of the boxes that had Michael's things in it and started to carry it downstairs.

"Uh, Dad, what are you doing?" I snapped almost immediately when he started down the stairs.

"Storing them down the basement. Why?"

"I have something better in mind." I said, giving him a reassuring smile.

He raised an eyebrow. "What have you got planned, Charlie?"

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"This is actually a great way to earn some money for buying reams of bond paper for the photocopier machine!" Meredith exclaimed happily, giggling every time a little kid came closer to buy one of Michael's stuffed toys. 

Meredith, Trey, and I had set up a garage sale of my late little brother's things on our front yard that spring afternoon of May. Meredith was over the toys section, and Trey and I was in charge with the clothes section. I remember the sun was out, but not in a scorching way the way it usually did in Clarkdale, but in a cool and refreshing kind of way as if we were on our way to winter season. But it was spring.

"I can't believe you're selling all of your brother's stuff already," Trey said, turning to me. He had just handed some change to a Dad and his son, they bought three pairs of pajamas and a baseball cap that I loved seeing on Michael. It felt nice to see someone was going to enjoy using them again.

"A change of heart, you may want to call it," I said, shrugging at the thought. It was amazing the Lord had completely changed me almost overnight.

Well, not really overnight, it took me months to figure all this out.

Trey excused himself for a while to go to the bathroom. As I waited for him to come back all the while scrolling through my Instagram, a hand touched the pile of Michael's stacked clothes in front of me.

"I'd like to buy them all. My aunt just gave birth to twin boys last week and they could really use these." A familiar voice said. 

Then he added, "Also, I was at your last lecture and I made the most important decision of my life."

I looked up. My eyes grew wide in surprise.

I recognized the stringy, wavy brown hair and the sprinkle of freckles on the bridge of his nose. He smiled at me, a smile I had known for years. But this time he actually looked as if he meant it.

It was Calum.