Madness (Joker Love Story)

Maybe

      Did Allison Finch love Jonathon Crane? Impossible. That's what she'd always told herself, anyways. She had never felt love for anyone or anything. And she liked it that way. Love was the biggest oxymoron to ever exist.You can feel simultaneously confused and lucid. You can feel both lost and found. Love can be sad and pathetic, and yet it can be happy and buoyant. Love is perfect and imperfect. Allison simple didn't understand it, or even more, why people craved it more than anything.         
        Love. Once in its confines, you can never escape. They call it "falling" in love, and you're meant to just expect - or trust- the other person to catch you. Trust is dangerous. What if the person doesn't catch you? Then you've not only fallen, but now you have no one to help you back up. You have to pick yourself up, all alone. Allison had heard that this process can take years. After you're back up, you're still alone.
         Yet this loneliness is something unlike any other. You no longer have yourself as company; You feel completely lost just as you were expecting to be found by love. Love is dangerous. Allison felt it would just be better to be alone at all times. You can't lose anything you never had. To Allison, that was a far better solution. But what were all of these feelings overwhelming her? She felt so conflicted. 
         Maybe that was her problem. Maybe she needed to stop over-thinking everything. Maybe she just needed to relax, revert into something familiar, and perhaps everything would work itself out. Maybe...
         Allison stood up and stretched her tired muscles and walked over to her bathroom to finally clean herself. In the shower, she began to think about her patients. She realized how irresponsible she was being, letting them worry about her like that for an entire week with no explanation. She could just imagine the talk she would have with Bane. Then her mind  darted to the Joker. Their last interaction was so horrible. How she had left him there in that empty state. She then remembered their interaction that had occurred just a few moments prior to the awful one. 
         Now he was full. She remembered the vibrations she felt in her chest as his was pressed against her own. She remembered the way his shaky hands traveled over her body at first; how nervous and unsure he was at first. She looked back into the grey eyes that held so many conflicting emotions. How his voice sent the most comfortable shivers down her spine. She began to analyze their relationship, but stopped herself, reminding her already confused brain that she wasn't supposed to be over analyzing. 
         She sighed multiple times as she was getting dressed. She wasn't depressed, but she wasn't joyous either. She was in a sort of half-way state that she feared she would remain in for far too long. Riding the subway, she looked at the faces surrounding her, as always. She locked eyes with an infant and made a ridiculous face in attempt to get at least some form of reaction out of her. Success. A bright smile soon spread across the newborn's face and an irritating giggle soon followed. 
         Allison smiled as well. She always enjoyed making people laugh. As the child continued to giggle at her, Allison had a mild epiphany. She realized why J, and everyone else, called himself, the man who had brought the most harm and terror to Gotham in the city's history, the Joker.