Anastasia

An old friend

"Mr. Hudson, what a lovely visit. What brings you to Chateau Marmont?" Gregory, the man who had been in charge of the hotel for nearly 25 years greeted him in the lobby.

"Lara Spivac, mind calling her?"

"Oh, yes, Mrs. Spivac of course," he nodded his head at the familiar guitarist, "by the way," he sighed, "I know what day it is, you know," he shook his head, "we never give her room out on her birthday and the day of her death. If it were totally up to me I would've closed the room off just in her memory, but sadly the owner is somewhat of a prick."

Slash chuckled, "Yeah, she came here a lot."

In a matter of 5 minutes Lara was down in the lobby, "Wow, you actually came, I'm surprised." she scoffed.

"Yeah, well I needed a drink." he chuckled softly as he followed her into the familiar bar.

"Straight whiskey?"

"Dry martini?"

"People age, people change, but the drinks will always remain the same my friend." she laughed as she raised her glass at him as they both toasted.

"You know, for a minute when I was at her grave, I think I saw her, hear her. I know it sounds crazy-"

"It's not, sometimes I feel like I can still talk to her too. It happens to me whenever I'm back in LA." she sipped her martini staring off at the bottles of liquor on the wall.

He stared at her, a calmness taking over his body as he felt like finally he wasn't seeming like a delusional maniac and there was someone who actually felt, heard, and saw the same things.

"I sometimes think- I hear her- like she talks to me because she didn't wanna leave in the first place." she shrugged, "I never understood why she left the way she did, I sometimes don't want to, but I know that she left with not saying a lot of the things she wanted-needed to say."

"She always knew how to make an exit, cliff-hanger if you will..."  he scoffed took off his sunglasses.

"She thrived off of other peoples anticipations. It was hilarious for her."  Lara chuckled at the faint memories of her friend.

"She was beautiful, you know? But she had always been insecure." He says, recalling every fraction of her in his mind.

She sat there listening to him talking about her as she sipped on her drink.

"And her smile? God, I love her smile. I go crazy when she laughs." He smiles.

She smiles too.

"You must have really loved her." She tells him.

"I did. No, I still do. There was so much love involved. But somehow, somewhere along the way, it meant nothing and it all came crumbling down as if it meant shit."

"Don't say that."

"Don't say what? That I've been living the last 20 years half empty?"

"She loved you too, she was crazy about you, you made her feel like the only girl in the world. She was obsessed about you, defended you, cared about you, wanted nothing but the ultimate best for you. Don't brush all that off and simplify it as if she just packed her bags one day and left. She left me too," her tears were starting to trickle down her cheeks down, "I loved her, she was my sister, everything I had. We both lost something Saul, not just you. And she lost her own fucking life because she was boiled down to become just an entity. Neither of the two of us can ever understand what she went through. Don't be selfish."

He rested his head in his hand, "I know, I just get so angry sometimes. My head is constantly filled with 'what ifs'."

"You need to stop doing that, it won't change anything, but, moving on will. You have kids now, you're back with Guns, things are going well for you, don't ruin it for yourself. She would've never wanted you to think that way."

"I guess her and I are just two different people now huh?"

"All of us are." Lara shrugged.

"You think she would've liked us now?" he smirked.

"No. She probably would've called us both uptight dramatic pricks that had given into capitalistic ventures, with you being back with Guns and myself basically running the lives of other people."

"You just sounded like her." he rolled his eyes, " Man, she would've kicked my ass if she knew I was back with the band."

"More like kicked Axl's ass, but it's cute that you think everything is about you."

"Rude." he rolled his eyes.

"I ain't here to kiss ass Saul," she chuckled "plus, I feel like I'm speaking on behalf of her right now."

"Well fuck, instead of kissing it you gonna kick it?"

"Don't flatter yourself." she threw the little olive that was in her drink at him.

They sat there for a while enjoying the calming silence of their own presence, drinking to the woman who had changed and touched both their lives. Nostalgia strikes suddenly, that deep sense of longing and forlorn regret tearing your chest apart. It happens anywhere, everywhere. The remembrance of bright days and brighter smiles and laughter brighter still. It is then that your feet grow heavy and your heart longs for home, and you turn yourself around and head for clear waters and clearer skies, and the comfort of an old friend.