Anastasia

Birthday

May 18th 2017 (Ana's 49th Birthday)

The grave was tucked away in a corner, a soft green place with shade and shadows. It was secluded, a little lonely, but overall private. Lara hadn't wanted people intruding on Ana's grave.

Yet there was someone there before her.

Lara paused at the sight of him, and then slowly got out of her car. If anyone else was there to share her grief this day, it was fitting it was him.

He tensed slightly at the sound of her footsteps.

"I should have known you'd be here." She remarked as she approached, watching as his shoulders relaxed at the sound of her voice.

Slash gave her a nod.

Lara stopped in front of the grave, holding the basket of flowers she had brought with her.

It was such a plain little grave stone. It hurt to look at it. She'd thought she wouldn't cry and yet here she stood, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

She ignored them, kneeling in front of the grave to start arranging the flowers. She had brought yellow elder and ironwood, the yellow and purple would brighten up the grave.

"The grave looks well." Slash broke the silence at last.

"I have someone come out once a week and tend it." Lara said. "I don't want it to be abandoned."

Slash nodded "She would've liked those flowers."

Lara bit back the response that it wouldn't matter if Ana did or did not like the flowers, she was dead, she would never see it. She knew what he meant, and she was grateful for the words, even if it didn't truly matter.

"I thought I would know what to say when I came here." Slash gazed at the grave, "but there's nothing to say except I loved her." He sighed.

There were things Lara could say. She had never loved anyone like she had loved Ana. Even as she loved her family now, it was a different love as loves between different people always are. And she had never had her heart broken as Ana had broken it the day she died.

She was so beautiful, the sight of her made my heart beat in my mouth.

Her laugh made the sun rise.

She would make me see the brightest light in the darkest of the night.

She was my family, is my family, will always be my family.

My sister.

She was always strong, it hurt to see her vulnerable.

But all she said aloud was, "I miss her." It was not enough. "I will always miss her."

She thought of Ana on soft sunny mornings when the ocean was lazy, and on stormy afternoons when the sea raged, and often in the dark of the night when she couldn't rest and the island finally lapsed into sleep.

Slash said nothing for a moment and then reached over and took her hand. "I know."

Lara held his hand, surprised at how comforting it was. She had never known Slash as Ana had, but Ana had loved him and relied on him and looking at him now, Lara understood that.

They sat there together, sharing their grief in silence.

* * *

"I should be getting back," Lara said at last as afternoon faded and the shadows grew darker. She rose slowly to her feet. When Slash didn't move she let her hand rest on his shoulder. "Come by The Chateau sometime, I'm gonna be staying there for a bit, we could share a drink or something, whiskey in her honor."

Slash offered her a small smile. "I'd like that."

Lara smiled in return and made her way back to her car.

When she looked back he was still kneeling at her grave. And for some reason it gave her a measure of comfort to know that she was not alone in her missing of Ana no matter how happy she was these days, or how content, and she was both of these things, during the busy days filled with managing her job and the long sweet nights with her family, there was still a part of her that would always rest here, in the silent shade with Ana.

The heart was not so weak it could not love more than one thing after all. Lara had learned that long ago.

She got into her car and drove back to her hotel.

--

He sat there, with his eyes closed as the spring wind his face. For some reason, he couldn't find the courage to get up and leave. It was her birthday, he didn't want to leave her alone for it.

"You should probably go."

That voice. That voice he hadn't heard in so long gave him goosebumps up his arm as he turned back around terrified.

There she stood, looking like a silhouette, not aged a bit, with her blonde hair washing down her shoulder. She was wearing that first outfit he had seen her in, the one with the Adidas bomber jacket. Her pale blue eyes glowing as she gave him a warm smile.

"Ana?" his voice was cranking, how could he see her, he was fucking hallucinating and he knew it.

"Do I look like me?"

He nodded standing up, "How the fuck can I see you?"

"I dunno, I'm in your head? Fuck if I know Saul, I'm dead." she laughed and ran a hand through her golden hair.

"Tell me this is not real."

"This is not real." she shrugged smiling at him.

"What the fuck." he took his head in his hands and sat back down. She slowly walked up to him and sat down in front of him and put her hand on his knee.

"You dont have to be scared, it's not like Im haunting you or anything."

"You kind of are."

"Accusations are the things that killed me in the first place, now do you really wanna start with that shit all over again?" she laughed putting her finger under his chin to lift up his face.

"You're hilarious even when you're dead." he sarcastically pointed out.

"Thats one thing you loved about me now wasn't it?"

"Out of many things."

"You have a wonderful life, you know that right? People love you. Your kids, your kids look up to you like you're God. You are so loved Saul, you have no idea."

He didn't say anything, just shook his head and looked down at the grass underneath him.

"Do you,... ever.. well.." he paused. ".. miss me?" he asked her quietly.. trying to mask the desperation in his voice.

She chuckled and looked down and then back up at him with watery eyes, "Everyday, but does it matter?" She replied, tilting her head to the side as she turned to look at him. Her face clearly showing her exhaustion as she ran her hand through her hair...

"I guess not,.." he sighed, putting both hands in his pockets as he leaned back against the gravestone and closed his eyes as he tried to manage the pain he felt...

"That was always the problem between us,.." She breathed... "You always asked me things you already knew the answer to."