Ohana

My wife is going to kill me.

Spencer

"Daddy? Are you sure this is a good idea? I don't think Mummy would be okay with this."
I look at my eight year old daughter in the rear view mirror.
"Eloise, Mummy isn't going to find out, now is she?"
She hesitates.
"I guess not."
I look at my eleven year old.
"Declan, you better not say a word."
"I won't." He says, rubbing his hands together.
This is a bad idea.
I put the cruiser in park and get out. Declan gets out, jogging around the car to the drivers seat.
My wife is going to kill me.
"Boys, you better not say anything." I look at Luca and Micah in the back.
"We won't." Micah says.
Declan gets in the front seat and just looks at me.
"This is your last change to stop me." Declan says.
I look at Declan, his blonde hair falling into his blue eyes. He pushes it back.
He's eleven. What the hell am I thinking?
"Move the seat with the bar under it so your right foot can hit the gas and the break. Gas is on the left, break is on the right."
He pulls the seat up a lot, and then stops it, pressing the petals. The engine revs, and he grins.
"Mum is going to be so angry." He says.
"Don't worry about her, alright?"
He swallows, nodding.
"Adjust the steering wheel with the bar so your hands are comfortable at nine and three."
"Nine and three?" He asks.
"Like a clock. Here's twelve, he's six."
He stares at the wheel and puts his hands on the sides, nodding. He moves the wheel so he's comfortable.
"Daddy, don't you think Decky should put his seatbelt on?"
Oh, shit, right.
I nod.
"Put your seatbelt on, Declan."
He swallows, grabbing his seatbelt, he clicks it into place. I put mine on too.
"Move the mirror so you can see the entire back window." I say.
He moves the rear view mirror so he can see.
"Move the side mirrors with that thing." I reach over and point to the mirror adjuster on the drivers side door. "So you can see the handles.
He moves the mirrors, and when he's comfortable, he looks at me.
"Alright, we're not going out on streets or anything." I say, looking around at the empty church parking lot.
In a church, really, Spencer?
"Press the break." I say. "That stops the car. You only use your right foot." I add. He nods. "Now press the gas." He presses the gas and the engine revs. "Alright, press the break again, pull this stick down and put it in drive. The red light will come on next to the D."
"Dad, we should do this in the truck. Mum is going to flip!" Micah says.
I wave him off.
"Let loose, have a bit of fun." I say.
He puts the stick so the car is in drive.
"Now let go of the break."
He does, and the car starts rolling.
"Put your hands on the wheel and lightly press the gas."
He grabs the wheel and slams down on the gas. The tires squeal on the blacktop parking lot, and we go flying.
"Declan!" I yell. "Press the break! The break!"
He hits the gas harder, and we're flying straight towards the church.
He slams down on the break, and we come to a halt, a mere inch from the church building.
He looks at me with wide eyes.
"Declan," I start slowly. "Get out of the car."
We ran over bushes and an entire garden.
He lets off the break without putting the car in park, and we roll into the church.
I let out my seatbelt, throwing it off of me, the metal belt hitting the passenger side window, shattering it. I hit the break, putting the car in park.
Declan is standing on the side outside. I throw the car in reverse and slam down on the gas, backing quickly out of the garden, slamming into a handicap sign, running over the cement block that holds it in place, and the stake the sign was on.
I hear a gush of air come out of the front left tire, and the car tilts to the front left.
I back out, out of the way of impact, and put the car in park, shutting it off.
Fuck.
Declan is staring at the church.
There's no damage, but the sign is shit and so is the garden.
I get out, slamming the door.
There's glass all over the garden, a knocked over sign, and tire marks in the grass.
Plus, the tire is flat.
Declan runs up to us, the other three kids getting out of the car.
We used the spare for this car two years ago. Juliet kept nagging me to get a new one, but I kept putting it off.
I swallow.
"What do we do?" Eloise asks.
"I don't know."
Silence.
"Dad?" Declan asks.
"I don't know, Declan!" I say.
"Do you think Mum's gonna find out?" Luca asks.
I swallow. I hear a door slam, and a priest in the entire outfit comes running out of the church.
"What happened? Do I need to call the police?"
"I-my breaks locked, by the time I pumped them and got them to work, I bumped into the church, and I packed and backed out too hard, and the sign was in my blind spot-"
"Somebody has to pay for this damage!" The priest says, frantic.
"I'll write you a check." I say. "How much? A thousand?"
"A thousand will do." He says, swallowing. "Are you guys all right?"
"Yes sir." Luca says.
I go to the glove box and dig around for my checkbook.
Instead, I pull out my wife's, and mine isn't here.
The only one who can write a check with this checkbook is my wife.
I stare at her name on the page.
Audrey Carter.
"Fuck." I mutter under my breath.
I rip through the glove box.
My checkbook isn't here.
"I'm so sorry, listen, my checkbook isn't here, let me call my wife to bring it, okay?"
"Okay." He says.
I'm going to fucking kill myself.
I pull my phone out, flipping through my contacts.
My Juliet.
I hit call.
She's going to have my ass for this, pulling her out of work and everything.
I wait.
It rings six times, and then goes to voicemail. I dial again, and she picks up.
"Romeo, can it wait, I'm really busy and-"
"Jules? I-me and the kids, uh, we got into an accident, and-"
"What?" She gasps. "What? Are you guys okay? Where are you?" I can hear the keys to the truck jingling in the background already.
"We're at the church. You know, the one Orange Avenue?"
"Oh, okay, okay, I'm coming."
The line clicks.
"She's on her way." I smile easily, even though my heart is pounding and my hands are sweating.
The priest waits with us, and around ten minutes later, my familiar gray truck pulls int the parking lot.
She parks next to the cruiser, getting out.
She shuts the door carefully, looking around.
Her eyes pierce into mine.
On the bright side, she looks beautiful. She's wearing black slacks that make her toned ass looks incredible, and a purple loose tank top. Her blonde hair is curled and her makeup is perfect.
She's trying to get the forth bakery opened, she was busy with contractors.
"You must be the wife." The priest says. "I'm Father Christian."
God, his name is Christian. That makes it worse.
"Audrey." My wife runs her fingers through her hair. "Are you guys okay?" She asks.
Her words are calculated, like she knows there's something going on here that hasn't been announced. "What happened?" She asks.
"Well, he lost control of the car. The brakes locked, he hit the church, and when he was backing out, he didn't see the handicap sign. "He said the police wasn't necessary, that he could write a check for a thousand dollars and we can be on our marry way."
Audrey's eyes search mine for a long time.
She takes on look at my face and then nods to herself.
"Right." She says. "Well..."
I pull her checkbook from my pocket, smiling easily.
She not-so-nicely snatches it from my hand, walking to the truck. I try not to stare at her ass in front of the kids as she gets a pen from the car.
She writes the check, rips it out of the book, adds it to the other page in there and then hands it to the priest.
"I'm sorry about this." She says.
"It's nothing, Audrey." He says. "I'm just thankful your family is safe."
She nods.
"Right. Yes, me too."
"Well..." he trails off.
Audrey's face lights up, and she smiles.
"Actually, do you know what? How about you guys help Father Christian clean up the garden?" She has a bright smile on her face. "I'll be back around, I dunno, seven?"
"Mum! It's only two!" Declan says, outraged.
"Oh, I know sweetheart, but you ruined a church. In front of God. You should help clean up." She nods to herself. "I'll come back with a new tire."
She looks at me sweetly, kissing my cheek. "You're fucking dead." She whispers in my ear.
Kill me.
She steps back.
"I love you guys."
She gets in the truck and drives off, leaving us in the parking lot.
"Right..." Father Christian trails off. "Well, let me show you to the supply closet." He looks at me. "Your wife seems nice."
Of course she does.

Audrey

I don't know what happened, but one look at the faces of my husband and children and I know that's a bullshit story.
So, I take my time, finishing up with work, moseying on over to the tire shop. I buy two tires, matching the tread that's on my cruiser now, and I take the very long way back to the church.
When I pull up, the kids are waiting outside with my husband, the lights are off in the church, and the sky is completely dark.
I shut the truck off and get out.
"It's nine!" Spencer calls. "We've been here since two!"
"I don't want to hear it." I say. "Come here, I got the tires."
He gets up, sighing, and the kids follow him to the car, they help him get the tire and the spare, and I watch as they put it on. I walk around the back of my car, and there's a giant dent in the back, and the passenger window is broken.
"Jules, it was an accident." Spencer says. I shine my light in his face.
"Then how did the window break?" I ask.
"I-" he cuts off. "Can we talk about this when we get home?"
I shrug.
I shine a flashlight into the drivers side.
The seat is almost all the way up.
My husband is six foot five.
I look at him for a long time.
"You come home when you're done."
I get in the truck.
"Let me come with you!" Eloise calls.
"Nope."
I start the engine and take off, peeling out of the parking lot.

I love Spencer, and if I were Audrey and that was my family, I'd have done the same thing!
Let me know what you guys think!
~Sam