Broken Dreams ✓

o4 | the first

day 4 ➜ a letter to my sibling

Dear Somebody,

Yes, that's right I am writing this to somebody. No name. Because I don't know. I don't know what name you have. I don't even know if you exist. But I'm going to hope for the best and hope that you do. Whether you're the child of my Mum and Dad or the child of one of them with other people. It doesn't matter. You may not have my name, but you have my blood. That makes us family.

I wonder what kind of person you are. What the colour of your eyes are, what the colour of your skin is. The possibilities are endless because Mum or Dad could've got with anyone.

I just wish wherever or whoever you're with that you never feel what I felt. That loneliness that seeps into your skin when you feel unwanted, uncared for and unloved. Those feelings were always with me. But I only realised they were woven into me when I should've been happy, with the girl I loved and the people I cherished.

I don't know why Mum and Dad didn't keep me and instead pawned me off to Aldertree care home with false hope, but they kept you. Cherish that. No matter how annoyed you might get with them. No matter if they ground you or confiscate your phone. They're there and that's what matters.

I don't even know if you're old enough to read this, but I'm assuming you are since Mum and Dad's prime should've been around the time I came along. I always imagined you existed, which is probably why I'm addressing this to you and not Jaime (a boy for Aldertree I considered a brother throughout my youth). I always imagined you as a comfort for Mum and Dad. Like you replaced me and I used to hate that. I'll be honest. When I was younger and in Aldertree waiting for the day they'd come and get me. I was bitter with thoughts that they'd forgotten all about me because they had a younger, cuter and smarter child to look after.

I was jealous of you, very jealous.

But that changed when I was 12.

One Friday, Mike (the head care worker at Aldertree) decides he wants to feel at one with nature and the countryside. So he tells us all to start packing clothes for the weekend. The next thing you know, we're all in the Aldertree van (loaded with sleeping bags and packed up tents).

It wasn't long before we arrived at an organic farm in the countryside. Apparently, the owner was a childhood friend of Mike's and had offered to let us use the site to "escape the city" and what not.

"Alright kids, gather around!" Mike shouted and we all walked to him. Some came out of their tents and others from the logs positioned around the campfire. "So we're going to go a walk and I'm going to give you instructions on the path. Go get some wellies from the shed and meet me back here in 15 minutes. Go," he said and we all went towards to shed.

The shed was a nasty place. The wooden slabbed room was dark. There were sleeping bags and blankets just chucked everywhere on the floor. Layla went inside first for the wellies, before she came out empty handed saying they weren't there. It was Rio who said they were piled on top of each other around the back. Let me tell you, I was shocked. I got myself a pair in my size and there were cobwebs inside, totally disgusting.