Hold Me More (More Trilogy #2)

Chapter Fourteen

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

"CZARINA?"

Napakurap si Czarina at pinunasan ang mga luha. "S-Sorry po."

Her psychiatrist understandingly nodded and smiled at her. "You did great today. I'll be expecting you next week for another theraphy. Alright?"

That would be her third session. Napabuntong-hininga siya. Deep therapy sessions made her cry always. Masyadong ma-emosyon kada session. Mabuhay pa kaya siya? This will take her for a year or two!

"By the way, nakausap mo na ba si Johann?" tanong pa nito sa kanya.

Umiling siya. Iyon pang isa. Masyadong abala ang binata at parang tingin ni Czarina ay makakaabala siya kung malalaman pa ni Johann ang tungkol dito. "Kailangan ko po ba talaga siya? Hindi po ba puwedeng, ako lang mag-isa ang humarap nito, Doktora?"

"You need people to support you, Czarina. This will be exhausting for you. But if you're not comfortable to let your suitor be involved in this, wala naman akong magagawa. I'll give you more time to think about it."

At first, Czarina was very eager to tell Johann everything. Nakakita siya nang pag-asa dahil nga lahat ng nararamdaman niya sa binate ay isang kontradiksyon sa sakit niya. He can be the hope. But as days passed by and as she finished two theraphies, napakabigat pala ng responsibilidad kung masasali si Johann sa magulo niyang pagkatao.

"How about your ex-husband?"

Mas naging marahas ang pag-iling niya. She can't let Bari know about this! Kaibigan ni Mama Bella ang psychiatrist niya pero ang alam nito ay annulled nang talaga ang kasal nila ni Bari.

Tinignan nito ang records niya. "Well, Czarina, in the other tests that I gave you, it appears to be... you still have deep feelings for your ex. Kaya ba ayaw mon a lang ma-involved si Johann dito?"

Napalabi siya. "Doktora, akala ko ba tapos na ang session?"

"I just want to let you know what seems to be unclear for you."

Napayuko siya at pinaglaruan ang mga daliri sa kamay. "P-Pasensya na po. I... I don't know what to do."

"Hija, hindi na 'ko magsasalita bilang doktor mo pero bilang mas nakakatanda na lamang sa'yo. At hindi ako magiging biased kahit mula pagkabata niya ay kilala ko na si Ibarra."

Napabuntong-hininga ito.

"Gusto mo ba talaga si Johann o gusto mo lang ang atensyong ibinibigay niya dahil minsan mo na rin siyang nagustuhan noon? He's also a means to move on from your painful past."

Tumingin siya rito. "I don't want to hurt him once I dumped him."

"You told me he's a mature young man? He would understand, Czarina. You'll hurt him all the more when he finds out that you're not in love with him. You're unconsciously using him to forget. To distract yourself."

Lahat na nang tao ay sinabi sa kanya iyon. Ang Daddy niya, lalo na si Eugene! Alam naman na ni Czarina ang kailangang gawin. Hindi niya na dapat pinapaasa pa si Johann. Masyado na sila mas naging malapit nito. Akala niya ay pagmamahal din ang nararamdaman niya. But when Bari came back, trying to win her again, Czarina have realized how she loves her husband still.

Iyon nga. Mahal niya pa rin ito. Mahal pa rin nila ang isa't isa. Ngunit kaparehas pa rin ng dati, hindi sila tama. Hindi mabuti. Czarina would just fail again. She would totally hurt Bari again. Big time. And she's going to like it, hurting him. Hindi makakabuti para sa lalaki. Bari had enough. Hangga't sa hindi pa siya magaling, kawawa lang si Bari sa kanya.