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Chapter 33

Claire

I walked to Blair's room, feeling oddly nervous. Even though we'd been hanging out for the past few days with our friends, I didn't know if Blair would want to hang out with me alone. Things were a lot better between us, but I still wondered if Blair would ever want us to go back to how close we were years ago. I didn't know why, but I was scared Blair would suddenly tell me she wanted to keep her distance from me.

Pausing in front of her door, I wondered if it would be worth asking her to hang out. I was scared of getting hurt, and that was when I remembered how I ruined my relationship with her by being so scared. If I hadn't been so scared of being hurt years ago, we would never have drifted apart in the first place. Because of that, I knew I had to suck it up and talk to her.

I knocked on Blair's bedroom door and waited for her response. It came almost immediately and she told me to come in, so I did. My heart was still racing, but I felt more confident.

"Hey," I said, looking at Blair who was lying on her bed, using her laptop. "Are you busy?"

"No," Blair said, looking over at me. "I'm just surfing the internet."

"So, would you be up for going to the park with me? I know we're seventeen and we're kind of too old for parks, but... I was thinking it would be nice to visit the park for old time sakes. It's okay if you don't want to."

Blair stared at me for a moment and I found myself deflating as I knew she was coming up with an excuse to say no. I really wanted to go to the park with Blair. It had been our second home as children and I wanted to visit it with her. Only her, and no one else.

But to my surprise, Blair said, "Sure."

"Really?" I blurted out, surprised.

I blushed and wondered how I became someone who got nervous over asking someone to hang out with me. It wasn't like me, but then I realized I never really knew myself. I had always put up an act, trying to fit in and be popular, so I really had no idea who I really was. Slowly, during the last few months of school, I hoped to figure myself out more.

"Yeah," Blair said, frowning from my reaction. "Why are you so shocked?"

"No reason," I lied. "Okay, should we go now?"

Blair smiled, surprising me once again. "Sure."

"Okay." I smiled back. "Let's go."

*****

Blair and I sat on the swings. It was late, so there weren't many people around and surprisingly, I was content with that. Feeling nostalgic about my childhood that I shared with Blair at the park, I was glad that it was just me and her there. I was especially glad that I got to spend time with her.

"How are you?" I suddenly asked, wanting to talk to her about what she shared a week ago. "Are you feeling better?"

"I honestly do feel better," Blair said, making me happy. "Claire... Thank you for including me in your group of friends. You guys are so nice and... I'm really thankful."

I couldn't help but smile, touched by Blair's words. Sometimes I felt like I had forced Blair out of her comfort zone and she hated me for that, but it seemed to be for the best which left me relieved. I really wanted to make things work between us, so I realized that was why I was so anxious about everything between us.

"You're welcome," I said, grinning. "I'm really glad you're feeling better."

We didn't say anything for a bit. The both of us swung a little, thinking about life. Glancing at Blair, I had so many questions and so many things I wanted to catch up on. But, like usual, I was scared of scaring Blair away. Because of that, I decided to ask a random question.