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Chapter 8

Blair

Erin was talking to me, but I found myself unable to listen because of him. I could feel his eyes on me, watching my every move, and it bothered me. Not because I didn't want his eyes on me - they made me feel noticed - but because he was making it so obvious that there was something going on between us. I knew he was bringing attention to us and that was the last thing I needed with Claire having feelings for him. Knowing I had to be straightforward, I discreetly looked at him as Erin continued to ramble.

When my eyes met his, I saw delight fill them. My eyes narrowed at him and I hoped he took the hint that I was trying to tell him to stop, but he only grinned. He looked so happy and people seemed to notice because they looked in the direction of his eyes. I immediately whipped my head to look back at Erin, hoping no one saw that I had been looking back at Carter.

Groaning out loud, I wondered what his problem was. I told him that what we had was a secret. No one was supposed to know, but Carter didn't seem to take my words seriously. Actually, he didn't seem to take anything seriously and that was exactly why he wasn't my type. Carter was too carefree and as someone who was cared about everything a little too much, he stressed me out.

"Hey, are you okay?" Erin asked, frowning.

"Yeah, I am," I said, sighing. "Sorry, I think I just need some fresh air. The cafeteria makes me feel suffocated."

"I don't blame you." She glanced around. "Too many judgmental people in one room. It's enough to make someone lose their mind."

I couldn't agree more, I thought. As I got up, I could feel eyes on me. Thanks to Carter and his confession, everyone seemed to watch me. They seemed to wonder about me because as someone who had spent most of high school as a wallflower, no one knew I existed until Carter announced his feelings. Ever since that day, I had a feeling everyone was wondering how I had won his heart.

Sighing once more, I told Erin bye and left the cafeteria. The hallways were mostly empty and I found myself immediately relaxing. With no one staring at me, I began to walk to my locker.

As I was walking, I became surprised when I spotted Claire in the arms of Ryder. They were hugging and Claire had her face buried into Ryder's chest. Ryder was staring down at Claire with so much affection that I suddenly felt bad for the guy. For years I had watched him stare longingly at Claire, and she liked another guy. It had to suck and taking in Ryder, I wondered why Claire had never went for him. He was attractive with his messy brown hair, chiseled jaw, and warm, brown eyes.

Shaking my head then, I wondered why I was even thinking about such things. I hated drama. I hated romance. I had better things to do than worry about my sister's love life, so I ignored them and decided to go outside instead since I really did need to breathe. My mind needed to get clear.

Once outside, I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. I couldn't believe what happened to my life. I had tried so hard to have no drama in high school and I had tried so hard to make sure I didn't bring attention my way, but that all went to waste in my senior year. All because of Carter.

Exhaling, I wondered what I was doing. I could be mad at Carter all I wanted, but I was the one who started a friends with benefits relationship with him. I was the one who was technically leading him on. It was so wrong and I knew I should stop, but I couldn't. For some reason, I didn't want to stop what I had with Carter. With a heavy heart, I apologized to Claire in my mind.

*****

I was in my room, laying down on my bed. My laptop was at my side and I was scrolling through Youtube, looking for something interesting to watch. No one was home and I began to wonder if I should call Carter to come over, but then thought not to. I really did need to control myself.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, surprising me. I looked to the door and saw Claire standing there, her eyes soft as they stared at me. That caught me off guard because we hadn't talked since the hallway incident. I would have expected her to be screaming as she entered my room.

"Hey, can I talk to you about something?" Claire asked.

"Sure," I answered, wondering what was going on.

Claire walked over to my bed and sat next to me, leaving me staring at her. I honestly couldn't remember the last time she had been in my room. We rarely talked unless it was necessary.

"Look, I'm sorry," Claire said, surprising me once again. "I was hurt and I said some horrible things to you that day in the hallway. I'm really sorry about that and... Well, I guess I'm okay now."

Staring at her, I didn't know what to say. She didn't need to apologize. Claire hadn't done anything wrong and I grew uneasy since I knew I was the one doing something wrong. I was the one who was supposed to be apologizing.

"Do you like Carter?" Claire suddenly asked. "You can be honest, I won't hate you if you do."

"No," I blurted out, blushing. "I don't like him."

Claire laughed lightly. "Okay, well that's good. I'm not going to give up on him, so I'm going to try to win his heart. I just had to make sure you didn't like him back because I would feel bad for going after him."

Claire was smiling at me and I found myself wanting to throw up at her words. I was going after him when my sister liked him. I didn't even care about him and I was messing up Claire's chances with him. Why was I such a horrible person?

"Oh," I said, knowing I should say something. "Good luck, Claire. I... hope that goes well for you."

Claire grinned. "Thank you. I really hope it goes well too."

To my utter surprise, Claire suddenly leaned forward and hugged me. I swear it was the first time we had hugged in four years, which left me frozen in my spot, caught off guard. Claire didn't seem to notice or care because she kept hugging me, leaving me feeling worse than ever. Why did I have to be hooking up with my sister's crush? Why couldn't I stop?