Switch Up

Chapter 5

Claire

    It was breakfast and I was sitting at the dining table, across from Blair. It was awfully quiet since our parents had already left for work, and Blair and I hadn't said a word to each other. Glancing at her as she ate her cereal, I found myself growing mad. Even though she didn't do anything, I found myself mad that Carter liked her and not me.

    No matter how much I tried to convince myself that it didn't matter if Carter liked another girl, I couldn't make myself feel better. My heart hurt. It ached because I had wasted three years of my life liking him, wishing he was mine, only to have him like my twin sister. It was so messed up and tearing up, I told myself to man up. He was just some boy and boys didn't deserve my tears.

    Shaking my head, I stabbed my fork into my salad and ate it quietly. Blair and I hadn't spoken since the incident. I was purposely ignoring her, but I wondered why she hadn't said anything to me either. It wasn't like she knew I liked Carter, so it was strange that she seemed to be ignoring me as well. But then when I thought about it, I realized Blair rarely spoke to me first. It was usually me who initiated the conversations.

    And I wasn't going to start a conversation with her ever again. I didn't care if I was being petty, but it just hurt to be around the person who won the heart of the guy I liked. Deep inside I knew I would probably start crying if I said anything to Blair, so I knew things were better off this way. Blair and I weren't close, so it didn't even matter if we never spoke again.

    Closing my eyes then, I wondered what was wrong with me. Blair was my sister. I shouldn't be treating her like this. I shouldn't even be thinking such things. Maybe we weren't that close, but she still meant the world to me. But, I needed time.

    So without a word, I got up and threw my bowl into the sink. Walking off, I went to school without Blair. For the first time in our seventeen years of living, I went to school without my twin.

*****

    I sat in class, staring at the empty seat beside Blair. Blair was talking to Erin, smiling and laughing, which left me envious. She had everything. Blair always got everything so easily and I didn't know what I did to make myself so unlucky. I swear I worked hard, but it seemed like that wasn't enough. It was never enough and knowing how my marks were compared to Blair who barely put any effort into school, I found myself growing more and more mad at her.

    "Claire, hey," Tori said, bringing my attention to her. "What's up with you glaring at Blair?"

    I found my cheeks heating up. How embarrassing, I hadn't been hiding my emotions.

    "Nothing, I was just thinking about something and I happened to be staring at Blair," I lied. "It was an accident."

    Tori stared at me for a moment, studying me. I looked away, not in the mood to talk. With my heart so heavy and with myself still helplessly waiting for Carter to come to class, I just wanted to crawl under my desk and scream.

    "You know, I seriously can't believe Carter likes Blair," Tori said, lowering her voice so no one could hear her. "It's probably just his protective instincts. Since Blair is so quiet and innocent, he probably just feels the need to be near her and whatnot. Don't worry, he'll be sister-zoning her soon."

   "I really don't want to talk about Carter," I said, finding myself growing emotional as my mind went back to thinking about how Carter was in love with my sister. "Please."

   "Okay... Claire, I... He's just some guy. Just forget about him."

    Growing annoyed at Tori, I decided to just shut up. How could she think it was just that easy to get over someone? Especially someone I had liked for three years. Just because Tori treated men like toys, didn't mean I was like her.

    Suddenly, someone entered the room and my head flew up. My eyes flew wide as I saw that it was Carter who looked incredibly happy for some reason. His eyes went to Blair immediately and his eyes softened in a way that left my heart breaking once again. He was so in love with her and I knew I stood no chance.

    I watched him walk to the empty desk next to her and sit down. Blair didn't even look at him as he did that and I watched him stare at her longingly. It was torture and knowing I couldn't just stay in my seat and watch him love another girl, I sprung up and rushed out of the classroom. Tori called after me, but I ignored her and headed to the washroom, knowing I needed to finally break down and let all my heartbreak pour out of me.

    "Claire!" I suddenly heard Blair shout, suprising me.

    I knew I should have kept walking and I knew I shouldn't have gotten furious, but I stopped in my spot and whirled around. Glaring at Blair who stood in the empty hallway, staring at me wtih a pained expression, I found myself speaking without thinking.

    "Leave me alone!" I shouted, causing her to flinch.

    "What... What's wrong?" Blair asked quietly, her blue eyes wide with worry.

    "The guy I love loves you!" I shouted, thankful nobody was near us. "And it hurts so much!"

    Blair's eyes grew wider and she stared at me, stunned. My eyes filled with tears and I stared at her, unsure of how I would ever be able to look at her the same. Every time I looked at Blair, all I could think about was Carter.

    Blair seemed in a dazed and after a bit, she looked down. To my surprise, she looked ashamed and I stared at her, knowing she didn't deserve my wrath. She hadn't done anything wrong and closing my eyes, I let my tears finally slide down my cheeks.

    "I'm so sorry," Blair said quietly.

    I didn't want her apology, so I whirled around and stormed off. Thankfully Blair didn't follow me and going to the washroom, I entered a stall and let my sadness pour of out me. I bawled my eyes out and told myself that everything would be okay. I was going to have a great senior year and I wasn't going to let one boy ruin that.