Until you are mine

8. Melting dreams

"Everyone is asleep..."

I looked at Yvo as we walked side by side at the stairs. Kararating ko lang galing Malaysia. I wanted it to be a surprise because I want to be spontaneous. I wanna surprise my mother at si Ate Yza. Isa pa, gusto kong i-test ang sarili ko.

"Hey, remember Thea?" Yvo asked me out of nowhere. Natatandaan ko siya. Ang sinasabi niya ay ang ex girlfriend niya noong college. The one that left him to marry another man.

"The one with hair curly hair and thick braces – mataba pa rin ba?" Tanong ko kay Yvo. Yvo punched my shoulder.

"She's not fat! She's big boned." He hissed. "Anyway, I saw an article about her husband yesterday. It's just so fucking unrealistic. How can she fucking marry the guy?!"

I just shook my head. It's been two years since the Yvo and Thea episode was over pero mukhang hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin nakaka-move on ang kapatid ko. He took a deep breath as we went upstairs. Hinarap niya ako.

"Somehow, I know that I own Thea – I still own her."

"How? Remember, she's married." Napangisi ako. Nababaliw na si Yvo. Kung ano-ano na ang lumalabas sa bibig niya. Nagulat ako nang bigla niya akong ngisihan.

"The Consunji Mark." He seemed triumphant. "I've marked her. She's mine."

"Naloloko ka na." Sabi ko sa kanya. Lumiko ako para tuntunin ang silid ko nang makita kong bukas ang pinto ni Yna. I saw her sleeping already pero bakit bukas ang pinto? Lumakad ako para isara iyon pero natagpuan ko ang sarili kong pumapasok sa loob para tingnan siya ng malapitan.

I sat on the bed and touched her face. I realized that I have missed her so much. Alam kong nagtatampo siya sa akin dahil hindi ako nagpaalam sa kanya noong araw na umalis ako. Sinadya kong hindi siya kibuin noong araw na iyon. I don't want to hurt her even more. Mas gusto kong umalis nang hindi nagpapaalam sa kanya kaysa ang makitang umiyak siya nang umiyak.

I sighed. I spent two years in Malaysia trying to kill these feelings I have for her. I wanted so much to keep her – I want her to love me back but the only love I am allowed to feel for her is the brotherly kind of love. Ginawa ko naman lahat para lang mawala ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

Siguro, abnormal ako dahil nakakaramdam ako ng ganito para sa kapatid ko. God knows how much I tried forgetting – ang hirap-hirap. Para akong pinapatay sa tuwing makikita ko siya at hindi ko na siya mahawakan.

She's so near and yet so fucking far...

I saw Yna stirred a bit. Her lips parted. She slowly opened her eyes. Aalis na sana ako but then she already saw me. I found myself looking at those dark brown eyes again and I lost myself at her.

Tuwing titingnan ko ang mga mata ni Yna ay nawawala ako. Nakakalimutan ko na kapatid ko siya at iisa ang mga magulang namin. Nakakalimutan ko na hindi ko siya dapat mahalin.

"K-kuya..." Tawag niya sa akin. "A-am I dreaming?" She whispered. "Y-you're here..." Ngumisi ako. I touched her face again.