I Ran Over my Mate! BWWM (First Draft!!!)

[18]: They're Gorgeous

I couldn't tell what I was supposed to feel about Ian not being able to trust and believe in me. He was supposed to be my soulmate and rock after all. It would mean feeling alone if even he turned his back on me with non-regrettable eyes. The day that happened would definitely decide if it was even worth living anymore.

I look at Ian with a plea. Now was definitely the time to decide between the truth or dying from the inside out from his rejection. Both seemed like a million stabs of a sharp blade throughout my body. Even allowing the words to come up and tell him the one thing that would mean if he stayed or left me felt like a thousand bee stingers in my throat. The poison seeping from them clogging my vocal cords and leaving me mute permanently.

But if I wanted him... no, needed him to believe and want me. Ian, my mate, was the only one that could change me for the better... or for the worst.

"I... I..." My words seem to stay logged in my throat.

Ian looks at me, his eyes softening, as the lump in my throat causes tears to leak out. He was my weakness and I don't think I would be able to live without him. If I couldn't even get the truth out for him to decide, then how could I keep him planted beside me?

He cups my face in his large hands, wiping my tears in their continuos stream. One finger brushes lightly against my bottom lip and somehow, that makes me weep harder. Telling him was definitely going to be the hardest moment of my life.

"Darlin', you have to tell me, so that I can be able to help you," Ian persuades, shushing me and stroking my head.

I look up into his beautiful hazel orbs to find them holding almost all the same emotions as me. It was weird, almost like we were connected through our emotional states. Probably just a part of the mate bond we've just now developed.

My lip trembles before I take a huge breath and tell him, "I h-have... t-t-trust... issues."

He looks at me strangely with a weird gleam in his eyes before speaking softly. "Go on, darlin'."

I nod and continue. "I... it...," I try to start but the way he's looking into my eyes makes it harder. Before I continue further, I drop my gaze from his so I won't see the anger, pain, and... pity in his eyes when it's finally said.

"I was only fifteen when it happened," I begin, not having the courage to meet his gaze even when he tries to gain it. "I used to have a best friend... he used to seem like a big brother to me since we were kids. We were both young and naïve, trying to fit in with the popular crowd of upperclassmen... They had invited us to a party one day..."

My voice cracks at the memories that start to come rolling back. "We were so young and wanted to experience our first high school party. The fact that it was hosted my the 'popular' crowd just made it better. It was a new experience so we both didn't know what to expect when they started bringing out the alcohol and drugs. Me, I wanted no part in those indecent activities,... but he thought otherwise."

I look up with only a sliver of courage for his reaction, but I wish I hadn't. He was fuming right now and his eyes were shifting back and forth between their beautiful hazel to a terrifying inky color. I look away again and keep my mouth shut.

"No, keep going," he snarls but I know it's not directed at me. "I want to know the rest."

I nod and decide to get it over with before I choke up again. "Anyway, we'd been at the party for hours and had already lost each other during the first hour. After I couldn't find him I decided to hang out in one of the unoccupied rooms hidden away to wait for him so we could leave... He came in after what seemed like forever..."

My thoughts trail off as I relive every single detail from that horrible moment. Tears leak down my face as it replays over and over again, tormenting me.