You know, I really hate a lot of my impulsive decisions.
So, I officially am one the first person in my family to go to prom. I don't know if it should be considered an accomplishment or not.
I hate how all my friends kept saying, "Go. It will be fun" or "Go. You need to get out of the house." I hate listening to my friends.
The entire prom, I was miserable.
I really thought and hoped I'd have fun. My friends and I went in a limo, we went out to eat, and I was finally overcoming my anxiety. That was only pre-prom though.
At prom, I was practically imprinted on by a guy friend of mine. He decided to hang out with me since the girl he wanted to go with had said she was going with someone else the day before prom. Great to know I'm so important... And then later that evening, he said I was "cute". I felt like shit after that. I didn't want to be a complete bitch and tell him I wasn't into him, but I also didn't want to feel like rebound. I also was annoyed because I'm demisexual, and I barely knew the guy. The fact that we have barely talked and that we barely know each other really was annoying because there was no real bond between us.
So yeah. I also saw a guy I was slowly developing a crush on grinding with a girl I used to be friends with. I didn't know they were dating, and I felt like complete shit. It really hurt me.
At prom, half of my friends didn't really talk to me. Even the ones I was hanging out with didn't really talk to me. It didn't help that the guy who liked me was beside me the entire night. Like, literally he wrapped his arms around my shoulders several times. I don't like people in my personal space unless they are really close to me or if I give the permission to. I didn't like that at all.
And then, once again, one of my friends failed to tell me about her not going with who I thought was her boyfriend, but she went with another guy she used to date a few years ago. She fucking did it to me again. She didn't tell me anything, and I had to see it for my own eyes to find out. At least I didn't hear it from someone else like I normally do. And she acted so natural with this guy.
And then there was the group of people who were practically having sex on the dance floor. It was disgusting to say the least. I won't be able to look at those people the same way again. I mean, this girl was basically giving a lap dance to this other guy on the stage. And the DJ just smiled through it. I don't understand people.
My evening was absolute hell. I told my friends I enjoyed myself, but I felt like crap the entire night. The night once again reminded me that I am truly alone amongst the people I know and who say they are my friends. After senior year, I'm done with everything here. I probably won't have anything to do with anyone I'm friends with right now. I'm tired of being the person that everyone feels they can crap on and not tell anything to. I'm sick and tired of being alone amongst the crowd. I'm just done with everyone. One more year after this year ends, and I'm done.
