I remember writing in here a year ago, when I thought life was perfect. It feels like forever ago. In this past year I have completed all that I wished to. I did anything that brought me happiness and I can't complain about how the year ended up.
Right now, I'm writing from my death bed.
I've been struck with a heart disease. But everything's wrong. Yes I lived how I wished for a year and I had the best time of my life. But I'm not ready. I'm scared. I'm alone.
A year ago death was my wish but today it is my fear. I'm still a little girl searching for the light. But I'm afraid I won't find it. What if it's today?
What if I die and then that's it?
I'm so afraid, but there's no one to help. I'm lost. Laying here in this uncomfortable hospital bed, I realise. I realise it's always just been me. Everything else in my life was a lie.
I've missed out on all my life so far, I'm not ready, I'm not ready to leave.
Please don't make me.
