Part 13: Concert and Fight

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"Whether we're together or apart, we can both remove the masks, and admit we regret it from the start." The boys sing as we walk into the stadium. I smile looking around. This was their job. 

"How long does the concert last?" I ask.

"Two and a half hours I think." Louis shrugs. "Something like that." I follow them into their dressing room.

"Can we go play?" Danny tugs on my arm. Niall scoops us up and puts us on the floor next to THE cutest little girl in the world. Oh my goodness.

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I have been taking care of two young kids tonight. It is tiring. At least Danny is having a nap on the couch in the dressing room with Louise. The other is holding a half asleep Lux. We are watching the boys. They are doing twitter questions at the moment.

"Is is true you adopted someone?" Liam reads off the next tweet.

"We actually got two kids. Allison and Danny." Zayn replies. "ALLISON COME OUT HERE WITH YOUR BROTHER OR I'M GONNA BAND YOU FROM GUITAR LESSONS!" S***. Not my guitarrrrr. When I try to give Lux to her mum again she almost starts to cry. So Louise told me just to keep her turned away from the lights. I put ear plugs in for her just in case. I let out a laugh. I was going to scare them. I sneak past security underneath the stage. I pull the lever to make it pop up. The boys scream at the top of their lungs.

"What? Did I scare you?" I state the obvious.

"Oh sweet mother of pearl." Harry huffs.

"Danny is asleep and Lux almost cried when I put her down." I tell them.

"Well this is Allison!" Louis shouts.

"And the next song is a little perfect for her." Niall nudges me. Liam picks up Lux. "You know, except for the kissing and dresses."

“Yeah! One, two, three, four!” Louis yells.

“Sneaks out in the middle of the night, yeah, tight dress with the top cut low. She’s addicted to the feeling of letting go-o-oh, let it go.” Harry sings putting an arm around me. I flick his forehead making him take it off.

“She walks in and the room just lights up, but she don’t want anyone to know, that I’m the only one that gets to take her ho-o-ome, take her home.” Louis sings.

“But every time I tell her that I want more, she closes her door.” Liam sings.

“She’s not afraid of all the attention, she’s not afraid of running wild, how come’s she so afraid of falling in love? She’s not afraid of scary movies, she likes the way we kiss in the dark, but she’s so afraid of f-f-falling in love.” Zayn sings.

“Maybe she’s just trying to test me, wanna see how hard I’m gonna work, wanna see if I can really tell how much she’s worth.” Niall sings.

“Whatcha worth.” Louis sings. “Maybe all her friends have told her, ‘don’t get closer he’ll just break your heart’.”

“Either way she sees me and it’s just so hard.” Niall sings.

“So hard.” Louis sings.

“Cause every time I tell her how I feel, she says, ‘it’s not real’.” Liam sings.

“She’s not afraid of all the attention, she’s not afraid of running wild, how come’s she so afraid of falling in love? She’s not afraid of scary movies, she likes the way we kiss in the dark, but she’s so afraid of f-f-falling in love.” Zayn sings. “Love.”

“What about all the things we said? Talking on the phone so late. I can’t let her get away from me.” Harry sings.

“When I say that I can’t do it no more, she’s back at my door.” Zayn sings.

“She’s not afraid of all the attention, she’s not afraid of running wild, how come’s she so afraid of falling in love? She’s not afraid of scary movies, she likes the way we kiss in the dark, but she’s so afraid of f-f-falling in love.” They sing.

“She’s not afraid. She’s not afraid.” Zayn sings.

“O-oo-oh o-oo-oh.” They sing.

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I sneak down into the basement again. I jump onto the treadmill. After maybe forty-five minutes I hear running feet. F*** my life.

"Allison what the h*** are you doing?!" Louis yells.

"I am trying to do my gym class!" I lie.

"You have done enough this week for the next years worth of school! You need to stop!" Louis exclaims.

"Why should I?!" I shout.

"Stop! You are being such an idiot!" Louis flails his arms in the air.

"Happy birthday to me, huh?" I question. I push past him upstairs into my room. I slam the door locking it behind me. I storm into my bathroom. The boys gave me back my razor. Such idiots. I hold my arm over the sink making several cuts.

Hopeless.

Was carved into my skin. That defined me. I toss the razor over my shoulder and put a band-aid over the bloody letters. I walk into my closet changing into a purple long sleeve and white jeans. I hated my life.

"Open the door." Someone demands while knocking.

"Pull my eyes out with a spoon! You don't care about me!" I yell.

"What ever told you that?" The voice asks.

"Everything." I mutter, eyes flickering to my nightstand where the dying roses were. I hadn't given them any water at all and I wasn't planning to. I lock my window dropping onto my bed.

It was times like this one where I just wanted my mum to come and hold me and tell me everything would be alright. But she would never come.

I lay there for hours thinking about what life would be like if she didn't die. If my dad didn't do those things.

If I didn't meet the boys. 

I squeeze my eyes shut letting tears escape down my cheeks. I missed my old life where I could be happy. Where I didn't have to pretend.

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