nothing without you || m.c

Part 33- It's Always Going To Be Michael

Part 33- It's Always Going To Be Michael.
Song for this chapter: Me- The 1975
Elsie's POV:
Ashton's lips were cold and soft, not like Michael's strong ones. It felt wrong the minute his lips touched mine.
"No, Ashton, stop." I pushed him away, freeing my hand from his.
"Elsie," he started, shaking his head.
"No, Ashton. I have Michael. It's always going to be Michael." I said, tears falling down my cheeks. I stared up at him, his gaze following mine.
And that's when Luke walked in, calling to Ashton. He couldn't see me, I was hidden behind Ashton's tall frame as we stared at each other in silence. He wiped one of my tears with the pad of his thumb before turning on his heel and leaving.
Luke saw me, then, and he looked at me questioningly.
"Later." I mouthed. He nodded, sending me a soft smile.
What just happened?
I climbed into Michael's bunk, my thoughts racing as I continued to cry.
How am I going to tell Michael?
I sat and put my head between my knees, desperately trying to hold myself together.
He's going to be heartbroken.
And I felt it coming back. The familiar feeling that haunted me, only coming when things got bad.
The anxiety pulled at my insides, pleading to be felt. The pit in my stomach feeling like a ton of bricks. My heart beat raced, I couldn't control my breathing. My hands started shaking, and I couldn't focus on anything.
I've got to calm down.
I threw around the pillows and blankets, desperate for the one thing that pulled me back.
I found my phone, taking Michael's headphones from his shelf and plugged them in, scrolling through my music, searching for the one I was looking for.
Jamming the headphones in, I laid flat on my back, turning the volume up all the way.
I closed my eyes, trying to forget my thoughts, trying to calm myself down.
"I got a plane in the middle of the night, don't you mind. I nearly killed somebody, don't you mind don't you mind."
The music filled my eyes, bringing back all the times I had to do this when I was at home, going through hell alone in my room.
"I gave you something you can never give back, don't you mind. You've seen your face like a heart attack, don't you mind don't you mind."
My hands quit shaking, and I turned on my side, pulling my knees to my chest.
"I was late but I arrived. I'm sorry but I'd rather be getting high than watching my family die. Exaggerate and you and I. Oh I think I did something terrible to your body, don't you mind."
***
Michael's POV:
"Why didn't Elsie come to the show?" Calum asked me as we made our way back to the bus after the concert.
"She wasn't feeling too well so I told her to stay." I said, opening the door to the bus.
"We're going to go get some drinks with the other guys, you coming, Mike?" Luke asked, grabbing a jacket from the bench.
"No, I'm going to stay here with Els. See you guys later." I nodded at them as the walked out of the bus. Ashton being the last one. Before he left, he looked at me, and shook his head as he looked down, closing the door behind him.
"Els?" I walked back towards the bunks, seeing the curtain of mine closed. I pulled it back quietly, and my breath caught in my throat when I saw her.
The blankets were thrown against the end of the bunk, and she was lying right in the middle of it. Her phone sitting next to her, my headphones in her ears. She was on her side, curled up in the smallest ball possible, hugging her knees to her chest. Her eyes were closed, but she looked scared. Tears were staining her cheeks, and it reminded me of when I'd witnessed her have a anxiety attack in my car, a few weeks after we met.
"Elsie, Elsie babe, wake up." I pulled the headphones out of her ears, brushing her hair out of her face.
"Elsie," he eyes opened, slightly, and as soon as she saw me fresh tears coming to her face.
"Michael, I'm so sorry." She cries, coming forward and wrapping her arms around me.
"What's the matter, babe?" I asked, rubbing circles in her back.
"You can't get mad. I don't want you getting into a fight." She said, pulling back from me. I put my hands on either side of her face, wiping her tears with my thumb. She came forward so she could sit on the edge of the bunk, her long legs dangling down.
She put her hands on my arms, looking up at me. Her ring contrasted against her pale hand, and my arm.
"Michael, you have to promise me. You won't get mad." She said, sniffing her nose softly.
"Elsie, just tell me." I said, getting worried.
"Ashton," she stopped, taking a shaky breath in, "he, uh- Ashton kissed me."
***
Elsie's POV:
Michael's features instantly changed, the softness of his eyes vanished, his jaw bone becoming more prominent and he clenched it.
"He what?" His hands fell from me, as he took a step back. I stood up, grabbing for his hands, desperate for the caring man who stood in front of me only moments ago.
"When you guys left for the concert, he came back and he was drunk, and I don't know why he did it, he just did. And then he left with you guys. But, Michael, you can't get mad at him. He's your best friend." I said, moving in front of him as his gaze scanned across the room.
"Can't get mad?! Elsie he fucking kissed you! I'm just supposed to let him make a move on my girlfriend?!" He ran his fingers through his hair, gripping the ends tightly.
"Michael, look at me." I pulled on his arms, the muscles flexing under my hands.
"Look at me." I repeated, my voice stronger. His arms fell from his hair, and I ran my hands down them, intertwining my fingers with his.
"I love you." I said, moving so that I could look in his eyes. He didn't say anything, he just kept looking around the bus.
I put my hands on his face, moving it so he could only see me.
"I love you."
"I know."
"No, don't push me away, Michael. Don't let it take over you. Say it."
He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
"I love you." He finally said, his voice barely a whisper.
I pulled him towards me, wrapping my around around his waist. He rested his head in the crook of my neck, and I ran my fingers through the back of his hair, calming him down.
"I love you. Only you. I promise." I said, feeling his cool breath on my neck.
"It's only ever going to be you."