SHE

Thirthy

I had been sitting here for exactly an hour and 14 minutes, trying to figure out something, even going as far as including aliens and such absurd things just to prove that Eden had nothing to do with this. 

 But there was nothing, not even aliens or random time machines or spiderman that could make it anywhere near believable. It was obvious - she had done it, in fact it had to be Eden that came up with the plan in the first place, that's the only way this made sense. I was so foolish to believe Blake was the leader, the bad guy, from which I had to save my stunning girlfriend instead of realizing I was supposed to save myself. 

The ironic laugh left my lips before I could stop it. This really was incredibly funny in a way, I was the smartest girl in this town, I had no problem admitting it, though, correction - was - the smartest girl here. I got played in my own game. 

The person whom I'd fallen for, who'd become my home, my everything, wanted to destroy me. 

My eyes watered, while I just couldn't stop laughing at how foolish I had been. 

I thought about the many times I could have just listened to others, specifically to my mom and the advices she had given to me about loving myself first, not to depend on others to be happy, also when my dad told me I shouldn't put a girl I've only just met as my priority. 

And then there were so many times I'd doubted myself, my feelings, my intuition warning me over and over again, yet I ignored it. Of course, I couldn't deny, for the most part I was just a fool in love, too blind, too in love to see any potentially bad things about her. 

I smiled, you'd made me feel alive

If so then what was the case

why would you then become the reason

I wanted to die

I heard footsteps outside the room, disrupting my thoughts. The familiar face appeared in the doorway.

His eyes widened, realizing I was there, running across the room to take the thing I had been staring at for the past hour and a half away from my sight. He looked at it, then looked at me, his the mouth opening and closing, then opening again, dumbfounded, shocked.

"Is it true?" I asked silently, not even able to look at the persons face.

But I didn't have to ask, I knew it was, simply by the fact I'd spent this whole time trying to figure out a way it couldn't be true. I was smart. At least now, my eyes finally open to what was in front of me.

"Ruby.." Blake put the laptop down and walked towards me, while I stayed in the chair I had been sitting in, "I can explain, I swear."

I shook my head, smiling while I felt something inside of me break: "no, you can't, only she can."

Part of me wanted to hear it, part of me never wanted to leave, part of me still thought this wasn't true and it could be fixed. That part of me still loved her. This silly, naive part of me had to be destroyed, burned, buried, shot, beaten.

I got up from the chair, wiping my face: "but I won't be here to hear it."

He didn't stop me, he understood even though their plan could only work if I stayed.

Suddenly, I felt Blake's soft hand wrap around my wrist. 

"What?" I snapped, tears sliding down my face, "you don't need to keep me here. If it was money you needed you could have just told me so. To me you had become as close as a family, I would've helped any way possible, since money has always been the least of my worries."

He furrowed his brows, looking down shamefully: "Ruby, you were important to us as well, trust me."

I laughed: "oh, really? Was that before or after you decided to kidnap me?"

He clenched his jaw: "it wasn't my plan.."

"Well, you sure as hell were a part of it," I sighed, taking his hand off of my wrist, "this really fucking hurt me, you know. I know this wasn't the goal, but I hope she can at least make the most of it, since that's all she'll ever be getting from me." 

He looked at me, his eyes full of guilt and sadness: "is there something, anything I can do for you?"

"Tell her if she ever steps near me," I smiled to myself, my voice cracking, "I'll make sure she doesn't leave alive."

"I will," he nodded, "but, please, take care of yourself. Screw my sister, your health comes first."

So he knew as well. About the cancer growing inside of my brain. I knew for a fact Andre wouldn't of told him, he was a genius when it came to hacking, he probably easily hacked into my laptop or even my security cameras finding out who Hanna was. 

I nodded, turning around taking the first of many steps. 

And then I walked. And walked. It seemed like an eternity walking out of this house. With each step it became harder, my head becoming heavier, waterfalls coming out of my eyes even without me being able to control it. 

He was right, my mom and dad were right. She should've never been my priority, no one else, apart from me, should ever take that place. It was about time I realized it. 

Maybe. No.  I'm certain I won't be able to just move on within a day, perhaps not even the day or the week after today. Scratch that, I was fully aware it would take at least a month or two. But I will eventually move on, I will let go. She might of been my first love, but she would certainly not be the last. Someday I will fall in love again and it will be magnificent. But even if I don't, it will be alright, because I'll have myself. 

I'll learn to love myself, put myself before anyone else. And I will start today. 

When I walked out, Hanna was still in her car, on her phone, singing to the music blasting in the car. As soon as I opened the door, her head snapped to me, the music immediately shut off by her. 

She analyzed my face, her eyes softening, she leaned in, hugging me: "it'll be alright, preciosa. No one that makes you sad deserves you."

I couldn't even cry anymore, my eyes dry, but I still hugged her tightly. 

In a minute or two, we let go: "what now?" she asked.

I looked at my trembling hands.

"Now I take care of myself," I replied.

She raised a brow: "you mean we take care of you. I am not leaving your side, preciosa."

I smiled, feeling the sincerity in her words, she wasn't joking around. 

"Well then it's your lucky day, because we are moving to England," I said.

She looked at me for a second, completely silent. But the silence didn't last long.

"Yay!" she squealed, "Harry Styles, here I come!"

With one direction music blasting through the stereos, we sped down the streets, heading to airport. 

your love - too toxic, can't breathe

your love - I just wanted it

your love - destroys piece by piece

your love - it wasn't meant to be

I have to set myself free