One-Shots: The Geek Collection

Cassian Andor - Star Wars: Rogue One (2)

I smiled as he stepped out of the carrier. Immediately he locked eyes with me and returned the smile. I took a step forward and gave him a brief hug, breathing in the scent of leather and fuel - a scent that I'd been missing for quite some time now.

"I've missed you," I mumbled into his shirt, hugging him tight.

"Believe me, I have too," he said quietly into my hair.

I let a small smile grace my lips as I pulled away, holding him at arm's length and examining his every detail.

He'd changed so much. Really, he had. He'd grown a few inches, while his hair had grown even more inches. He had a look in his eye that was different: more confident, more calculating... but also a little weary, as if they'd seen too much. But, most of all, his muscles had definitely been toned quite a bit.

"You've changed, Cass," I said to him in all seriousness. Then I smirked. "Particularly in the muscle category," I teased him, poking his bicep. Despite his tanned skin complextion, his cheeks flushed. I laughed. "But, no matter how much you've changed, you're still easy to embarrass."

"And I see you're still the same," he replied, a small smile finding its way to his lips.

"Still me," I said. We each shared a brief few seconds of silence, just taking each other in. I searched his eyes once again, and even though they showed temporary contentment, I could tell they were hiding something behind them, something deep. Finally, to his surprise, I gave him a smile and took his hand. "Come on. Let's get out of here, Cap."

● • ○ • ●

As K2SO piloted the ship, we sat in the back of the ship where there was a small room kept for medical emergencies. We both sat on the med table, next to each other with our feet dangling over the side. A brief pause passed before I was the first to speak up.

"Cassian?" I said, almost inaudibly.

He turned his head to me. "Mmm?"

"Are you... alright?" I asked cautiously.

Cassian turned his gaze to his feet dangling over the floor. "Yeah, why?"

I reached up and placed a hand on the side of his face, gently turning his head to me so I could meet his eyes. They were dull with tinges of pain and despair. I traced my thumb across his cheek and shook my head. No one should have to suffer as much as Cassian did. War was all he'd ever known; eventually it would ruin him.

"Cassian how much longer do you plan on living like this?"

The question took him by surprise. "I- What do you mean?"

"War is going to ruin you, Cassian," I told him. "You've been fighting since you were 6, haven't you suffered enough?"

"Not enough to have any effect," he said. "There's so much more to stand up for. I can't just walk away."

"Then when will you? Are you ever going to live a life?" I asked him. "Or are you going to spend every day of it betting on whether you live or die?"

He turned his head towards the ground again, refusing to meet my gaze. "Y/N, I'm a soldier. I don't have a life. I'm not supposed to have one."

I glanced down as his hand. He was gripping the side of the table so hard his knuckles were white. I lifted my hand from my side and placed mine over his, letting him relax. I watched his face as he looked at our hands for a few seconds, saying nothing. Instead, I spoke up.

"You could have one," I told him quietly, almost in a whisper. "All you have to do is create it." Cassian glanced up at me, meeting my eyes. His expression softened but it was quickly replaced with more sorrow.

"I can't. I don't have that option," he said.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm..." He faltered. "It just wouldn't work."

"Why wouldn't it, Cassian? If you don't stop making excuses for yourself, you'll never get out of this! I dont want to see you live like this forever. Why can't you just-"

"Because I love you, Y/N," he finally confessed, raising his voice enough to cut mine off. A pause of silence hung in the air.

I looked at him in amazement. "M- me?"

He nodded. "Which is exactly why I can't have a life of my own. I could never give you the life you deserve. I'm not good enough for you."

I placed a hand on the side of his face and turned him towards me once again. "But Cassian... you are."

He said nothing. Instead we sat there, searching each other's eyes. He leaned closer and placed a hand on the side of my jaw. And, just before his lips captured mine, I caught a glimpse of pure hope and true happiness shining deep in his dark brown eyes.