Surviving Cancer

Sunday, November 5

LEVI POV

Even though Maci had insisted that I keep my plans with Emma I still couldn't help the apprehension I felt as I pulled our SUV away from Jonah's house. Originally Skylar was supposed to accompany her but as usual if it wasn't something that Skylar wanted to do, he backed out. It typically was anything related to Maci and cancer. It wasn't that I didn't understand a little, because I did. No one likes going to hospitals, so fine. But a party, come on. Especially one where someone was going to celebrate life by getting engaged, that was beautiful. And now that Skylar had bailed Maci was going to be there by herself and my mind was running wild with what-if's. What if she got sick in the middle of it, or tired, or what if she felt out of place? She needed someone there even if it wasn't me. I had debated on whether or not I should call Jared because no matter what, so far, Jared had been there whether he meant to or not. And I was starting to feel like he was the one that was going to stick with us through this. He was going to be the one by her side during the parts still to come. But maybe I would be overstepping my boundaries or whatever if I asked him to go. Maybe Maci was fine by herself. So as I pulled away from Jonah's, I decided to get Emma's opinion.

"I was sort of thinking I'd call Jared to meet her at Jonah's." I stated.

"Why? I thought you didn't like him." Emma said, dialing down the radio.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe I was wrong." I glanced at her, she was staring straight ahead. "I mean he has been there. Like every time she's needed someone. He was the reason she went on stage Friday night."

"Really?" She asked, a hint of surprise in her voice.

I nodded my head. "Yeah, he caught her in the hallway trying to bail."

Emma was silent but I knew she was thinking. I waited patiently as she collected her thoughts. "I wouldn't trust him." She finally said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because. He probably doesn't even care about her." She answered.

I glanced at her for a second, my eyebrows pinched together. "Really? You think so?"

Her voice was hard and distant. "Look what he did to Matt." She snapped.

I fell silent, slightly astonished. I had never really talked to Jared about Matt but I couldn't possibly see him not caring about him. If anything he had to be torn up inside over the whole thing. He just seemed like that kind of guy, where if anything, it hit him ten times harder then someone who showed the amount of pain they were in. Jared internalized it. Letting it fester and grow and never let someone close enough to help him deal.

"I'm sure he's pretty upset over losing his friend." I finally said. "And Skylar was there too. Do you feel that way about him too?"

I knew I was prying now but I was curious. I wanted to know her thinking. Ever since that first day where the two of them sat at the dining table with so much tension between them you could barely breathe.

"No, at least Skylar's screwed up from it. Jared just went on as if nothing ever happened." Emma said folding her arms across her chest.

This was the side of Emma I hadn't seen yet. I knew it was there especially with everything that she had been through; it had to be there. It was the side that was defensive and irrational. She was still hurt and bleeding from her wounds.

"I don't know Em, I think he's pretty screwed up too." I said cautiously, very aware that I used Matt's nickname.

She sat there silent. I waited for her to answer to say something but when I finally glanced over she had tears running down her face. I didn't really know what to do so I just reached my hand out and untangled hers from across her chest. She let me but she didn't make an effort to make it easier for me. I laced my fingers with hers, giving her hand a squeeze. Her skin was soft and warm against mine.