Surviving Cancer

Friday, November 3 Cont'd

I also forgot to add the song Maci sings is Shoot Out the Lights by Ron Pope.  I suggest you all listen to it because it's wonderful and it'll probably make more sense. ENJOY - DBR

MACI POV

I had concocted a plan in my head laying out exactly how I was going to withdraw from the talent show.  I was going to go along with it until right before I had to go on that way no one could talk me out of it.  Or try.  Which meant when I got home from school I sat down with my guitar and practiced until there were permanent indents in the calluses on my fingers.  I had just finished curling my hair before I went into my closet to change.  My mom had found the cutest dress for me to wear.  Which I felt guilty knowing that I wasn't going to actually go on stage but I slipped it on anyway.  I pulled on my coat and scarf and slipped my feet into a pair of heels.  I went down to the kitchen where my parents and Levi were all waiting for me.

"Honey!" My mom said, squeezing me.  "I'm so excited."

I half smiled as my chin rested on her shoulder.  "Yeah me too."

"Shall we?" My dad piped in.  "Don't want to make the star of the show late."

If guilt hadn't been overtaking my body I would have rolled my eyes and told my dad that was the lamest thing he could have said.  Instead though I just nodded my head, following my parents out into the garage with Levi bringing up the rear.  We slid into the backseat; I immediately locked my eyes on the window.  I couldn't start talking; they'd hear it in my voice.  They'd know I was going to back out and they'd talk me out of it.  I couldn't go on stage.  I wasn't that girl.  I wasn't good enough.  I wasn't going to make a fool out of myself.  Levi grabbed my hand, squeezing it.  I ignored him at first not taking my eyes off the window but he kept squeezing with a momentary break between each.  I finally looked over, my eyes finding his.

"Everything okay?" He whispered just loud enough for me to hear.  I smiled slightly, nodding my head.  "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, just thinking about tonight." I whispered back.

"You're going to be great."  He said.

I was going to completely disappoint Levi.  I think that was the hardest part.  His intentions were good but I wasn't ready for this.  When I made the bucket list I didn't think anything would actually happen.  I never thought I'd meet Jenny or even talk to her even if she did turn out to be everything we thought.  I never planned on performing in front of an audience.  They were just things that in a perfect world maybe I'd actually get the chance to do.  When we got to the school I parted ways with my family but not before my dad could pull me into a hug and lay the ultimate guilt trip on me unknowingly.  I opened the door that led backstage, the murmurs of the other participants grew louder the farther I went.  Skylar and the guys were already there.  We had talked about me singing a song with them but with all my treatments and my growing nerves I had backed out.  They still wanted me to sing with them at their concerts but if I couldn't do the talent show there was no way I'd ever be able to do a concert.  I'd cross that bridge when I came to it though.

I made eye contact with Skylar. He had finally called me on Halloween night. He had some excuse to explain his disappearing act. I let it go, mostly because I wasn't sure what I wanted from Skylar. And what was the point of an argument?

"Maci." Skylar said, pushing himself off his amp he was leaning against.  He walked up, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me.  "I was wondering what was taking you so long."

"I'm not late." I said, pinching my eyebrows in confusion.

"No I guess not." He said.  "I double checked the order, we're on fourth and you are the tenth."