Finding Yourself

chapter 44

I fumbled around with my bag and grabbed my cigarettes and pink lighter before quietly leaving Harrys bedroom. I tip-toed downstairs and Liam was still passed out on the sofa where we left him. I scanned the room for Zayn but he wasn't there. His bag was still on the floor though so I carried on towards the back door. I closed it behind me and didn't hesitate to light the cigarette I had placed between my lips. Although I was proud of myself for quitting, I had missed the taste of tobacco on my tongue.

"I thought you'd quit Mel?"

I looked down the path to see Zayn walking towards me.

"I wondered where you was, what are you doing out here?"

He held up his cigarette. "The same as you."

"And I thought you had quit." I laughed.

"I don't think I ever will." He smiled, taking another drag. "Are you alright now?"

"Yeah, I let some of my anger towards the world out on Chelsea, the alcohol helped me sleep and these relax me abit." I said smiling. "I'm getting used to it I guess. I can't stay unhappy forever. She wouldn't want that."

I took the last drag of my cigarette before throwing it on the ground and Zayn did the same.

"You'll be alright Mel. I can see Harry cares about you, just like the other lads here and I'm glad you've got them, ya know, for when I'm not around." He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm gunna have to leave again tomorrow though." He sighed into my hair. "I don't want to leave you but there's nothing else I can do."

"It's okay." I said. "I'll be fine."

--

Me and Harry dropped Zayn off at his mates house before we carried on back to mine. I brought most of my stuff home from Harrys so I would no longer have to battle with shitty outfits and dodgy makeup in the mornings. I didn't realise so much was at his house until I managed to fill 2 bags and his bedroom was much cleaner! He parked up his car and walked to the boot with me to help with the bags. It wasn't until we go closer to my door, we realised someone was sitting outside of it.

"Jack? Is that you?" I said quietly as I squinted at the boy infront of me.

His normally perfect-styled hair was now a mess with bits randomly poking up everywhere. His clothes were creased and slightly dirty and his sparkling blue eyes that I had grown up loving, were now sad and grey.

"Mel I heard about Hannah and... are you okay?" He said.

He didn't look me in the eyes, he stared down at his dirty white converse.

"Yes, thanks. I've been better but eer, I'm getting there."

I couldn't believe the boy standing infront of me was Jack. He never stepped foot out of his house looking like this, not even when we was kids. He woulndn't even sit in his house looking like this and now here he was, standing like a stranger outside my house, infront of my boyfriend.

"What are you doing here Jack?" I said awkwardly.

"I came to talk to you." He said still not looking up at me.

"Well, you can come in then I guess."

Harry mouthed what the fuck to me with his face scrunched up and I had to bite my lip to stop me from laughing. I unlocked the door and watched Jack awkwardly step inside and take off his shoes. He stared at Harry as he put my bags down at the end of the sofa. I wonder what he was thinking.

"What happened to Hannah?" He asked.

"I really don't want to speak about it. If thats what you came here for, just ask someone else." I sighed.