Finding Yourself

chapter 36

What Liam had said to me yesterday was still fresh in my mind as I unlocked the door to the coffee shop.

I was feeling much better today, partly because I actually went to sleep last night and partly because I had spoken to Zayn this morning. I was missing him so much and speaking to him put me in a better mood than I probably deserved to be right now.

Harry still flickered in my mind when certain things happened like when I reapplied my lipstick in the reflection of the coffee machine or when I tucked under the chairs of the annoying school girls. Everytime the bell on the door chimed I longed to turn around and see him rocking on his heels, smiling at me with his eyes glowing and dimples popping but, of course, I never did.

He will talk to you again, I know he will because that's the type of person he is.

I hoped and prayed with everything I had that Liam was right.

When I got home I had a shower and got into my pyjamas. I cooked myself a lasagne which was a change from pizza for once!

Just as I was finishing, Hannah turned up.

"You in Mel?!" She called.

"I'm in the kitchen!" I replied.

She poked her head round the door and smiled. "You alright?"

"I guess." I shrugged. "Better than yesterday."

"Good." She grinned.

I put my plate into the sink and wondered into the living room and Hannah followed.

"Have you had a good weekend?" I asked, turning towards her.

"The best! Thanks Mel, ya know, for everything."

"Don't mention it, I'm glad it all worked out."

She moved closer to me ad squeezed my hand. "Don't get upset, there is something you should know though."

"Oh god, what? Could anything possibly get worse?" I sighed.

"Well, It's Harry." She started.

I gulped hard.

"He's gone to Ireland."

"Ireland?! How long for?!"

"I don't know, he said he was going over there to clear his head at his mums place."

"Fuuuuuuck." I whined. "What have I done Hannah?! Jesus Christ he must be so angry and upset to go all the way to Ireland to clear his fucking head. I'm such a shitty person. I should of listened to you!"

My voice got louder as I thought more and I was getting angrier and angrier at myself.

"Mel calm down. He'll be back soon, He'll come back!"

"How do you know?" I snapped. "This all my fault, he was probably better off without me!"

I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead, taking deep breaths.

"Sorry for snapping at you." I whispered. "You're the last person I should snap at."

"Don't worry about it." She smiled. "He'll be back, he didn't take much with him."

"He didn't even tell me he was going." I frowned. "He hates me."

"He doesn't hate you okay?" Hannah said firmly. "Liam told you to stop beating yourself up about it. You had the abortion and now it's done, you can't go back. There's no point feeling sorry for yourself and asking why you didn't listen to me because you didn't. You need to just wait for him to get himself sorted so you can talk to him and move on from all this baby shit okay? I know it's probably harsh for me to say but I'm not standing on eggshells around you. We don't do that shit. You put it how it was when Liam left and that's what helped me through. I'll be here for you, of course I will but only if you're willing to help yourself aswell."

She was right, I knew she was right. I fucked up and now I have to deal with it whether I like it or not.

I nodded my head, rubbed my hands over my face and smiled. "You're right. I know we don't do that shit, I'm glad we don't! He'll be back soon and we'll go from there. Me and you can take on anything, right?"

I didn't know whether I meant that or whether I was just trying to convince myself that I did but Hannah grinned at me.

"Too right!"

Hannah left mine at about 11 and I went straight upstairs.

I pulled my hair into a bun and put Harrys tshirt on again before climbing into bed.

"I'm sorry, Harry. Goodnight." I whispered to myself as I closed my eyes.

(Hey everyone! Just wanted to apologise for not posting for the last 2 days. I've been super busy for like, the last week because of christmas and I've been back and forth between home and family members houses and stuff, making it hard for me to find time to write anything! I have some good ideas for the next few chapters though, that I hope you'll love! I hope you all had a good christmas and ate loads! I also want to thank everyone that's messaged me saying that you're enjoying the story so far because that makes me so happy! Please vote! <33)