The 100: Ways To Survive

Chapter 51: Epilogue

Clarke

The wind whipped around my legs as I stood on the edge of the beach, the waves moving calmly in and out and the sun setting in the distance. We weren't far from home now, another day and we'd be there, we just needed a break, a time to stop and gather ourselves. We've already been on the road for an extra two, the total drive is 21 and a half hours, Raven drove seven a day, so we can rest and eat and stretch our legs. The rest of my people sat on the beach around a fire, roasting squirrels that we'd caught and eating berries we'd found.

I shook my head. I knew what we was facing back at home. Facing what Allie had told me. Facing my people, who looked at me to guide them. I don't know if I'm strong enough. I'm trying so hard, so, so hard. Yes I've made mistakes and killed in cold blood, but it's hard. I am not coping without Lexa very well either. She was my rock. Yes we had our differences, but she understood what it was like to have everyone looking at you and looking to you all the time. It's exhausting and hard.

I know Bellamy is there for me, always offering a shoulder to cry on and a hug. I see the way he looks at me, but I'm not ready to move on from her yet. I do love Bellamy, but nowhere near as much as I loved Lexa. And can I afford to take the risk? The risk of letting another person love me because everyone I have ever loved has died. Even my mum almost died because of me. My dad, Wells, Finn, Lexa... dead because they knew me. I can't help thinking that if they never were associated with me, they'd still be alive.

But I can't afford to think like that. Lexa was right. Feelings can make you weak; they can cloud your judgement and break you. Yes I've been strong for my people, but I'm still mourning Lexa... and everyone else I have lost. But I can't because the battle isn't over. Will it ever be? Will I always be struggling to survive? Struggling to decide what is good and what isn't? I've killed so many people. So much blood on my hands. I've hurt so many people. We all were against Murphy but he's the one who has killed the least amount of people. Maybe me and Bellamy are the bad guys. But I never asked for this. I never asked to be a leader, I was thrown into the role. People looking to me for answers that I don't have. How can I tell them that we will survive when I'm struggling to believe it myself?

"Hey," I heard a voice whisper and I turned my head to the left to see Rose standing next to me, in her hands was a squirrel on a stick she ate it silently next to me, looking out to the sea. Her now blonde hair blew out behind her and her blue eyes full of sadness. I turned my attention back towards the crashing waves that were drowning me. Rose cleared her throat and she mumbled, "You know, don't you?"
"Know what?" I asked, looking at her, she looked back at me, the orange hair burning as bright as the fire.
"That the world's ending," Rose sadly said as she looked back at the view in front of us, the sun had gone now and a black sky appeared. We could hear laughter from the camp behind us, Jasper seemed happier. I wish I was.

I remained silent.
Rose continued and I saw her shake her head, "The others don't. My people included," Rose took a step towards me and I looked at her, Rose continued, "We're not that different, Clarke. We've both killed people, and we both have people looking to us," she then glanced towards the forest and back at me, "I left my people behind because I was afraid. I don't know how to save them, Clarke," Rose confessed as she came closer towards me. I turned my body to face hers and she did the same. I felt tears in my eyes and swallowed.
"I don't know either," I confessed, I looked into her eyes, a deeper blue than my own, I nodded, "We'll figure something out. You're one of us now. I'm grateful for you helping us."

Rose looked at the floor.
"You're leaving, aren't you?" I said, no surprise in my tone. She was leaving, like the time I left. It did more harm than good, but I think Rose needs it. She already left her people back in the Lost City. She couldn't stay, too much death and bad memories. She left her friends in charge, Hazel, Hagan, Alek, Delilah and Imara.
Rose looked at me, tears in her eyes, one rolled down, "He said I killed my sister, Clarke."
I stood facing her, I knew the thing to do would be to hug her and tell her it's okay... but I can't promise her that. "You told Murphy you didn't pull the trigger?" I half-asked.
Rose looked at me, tears in her eyes, "I didn't think I did. But who else would have?"
"What if she isn't? What if she isn't your sister?" I softly said, stepping towards her, we stood centimetres apart.
"What do you mean?" Rose asked, her electric blue eyes staring deep into mine, her brow furrowed.
I looked at her and softly explained, "She looks nothing like you. Yes she has blue eyes... but so do me and you. None of her features resemble yours."
Rose looked at me, deep in thought. The only sounds were from the others and the waves, Rose slowly said,"I hope you're right. And thank you," she thanked, gesturing towards me, "I appreciate everything you've done for me."
"You'll be gone by the morning?" I half-asked, I already new the answer.
Rose nodded.
"May we meet again," I told her.
Rose smiled and then she pulled me into a hug, "May we find home."

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Author's Notes:
I uploaded this part and Chapter 50 at the same time so make sure you have read them both

Thanks for reading this story.

I have written a 100/Walking Dead fanfic which I will be uploading soon. The characters are:
Alicia Clark, Nick Clark
Daryl Dixon, Maggie Rhee, Nick Grimes, Carl Grimes, Judith Grimes, Michonne, Carol and Enid
John Murphy, Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake, Octavia Blake and Raven Reyes.
Link: http://my.w.tt/UiNb/RbqfnGe2JA

Jet Black Heart (My first ever Fanfic based on Michael Clifford, has over 3K reads, really proud)
http://my.w.tt/UiNb/UpT2NjU9PF

The 100 Walking Dead (This has almost 2K reads)
http://my.w.tt/UiNb/zNxdR9WrNA

Game Of Grounders (my newest story)
http://my.w.tt/UiNb/aecTXgb9PF

Thank you to anyone who read, commented, voted and shared this story and/or added this story to their reading list. I really hope you liked reading it, I know it was pretty long (the longest story I've ever written) but I really liked writing it.