The 100: Ways To Survive

Chapter 2: Loss

Octavia

"What do you want?" I snapped at him.
"It's time for breakfast," Bellamy gently told me.
"I don't want to eat with you," I bitterly said and I went to close the door but he stopped me, "move out the way."
"O, don't be like this," Bellamy said, pushing his way through the door. I walked away and sat on my bed he followed me.
"Be like what? I'm not being like anything."
"Yes, you are. I said I'm sorry, and we're meant to be a team. Survivors," Bellamy said, looking down at me.
"Sorry won't bring him back," I growled.
"Look, we've all lost some-"
"What do you know about loss?" I shouted, standing up at him, "what do you know?"
"Is everything alright?" Clarke asked, appearing at the door.
"See, you haven't lost anyone, your girlfriend is still here," I snarled, ignoring Clarke and giving Bellamy a little shove.
"She's not my girlfriend and I have lost-"
"No, you haven't."
"Octavia, we've all lost people," Clarke said, she was at the side of us, centimetres away, she always tries to be a peacemaker. I could see Jasper and Raven in my room now, they must've heard the shouting.
"Just go, Clarke, this isn't about you," I firmly said, not taking my eyes off Bellamy.
"All of you, just leave, O is just angry," Bellamy flatly said to Clarke, Jasper and Raven.
"We're not leaving, not until you've calmed down," Clarke said.
"I'm not angry. And I'm not calming Down," I snapped.

Bellamy came closer to me, his hands out trying to be calming, "Octavia, it's okay to be angry you've lost someone, but you can't keep taking it out on us. We've all lost-"
I shook my head and shouted, "No! Don't tell me what to do, Bellamy, you know nothing about loss. Jasper lost Maya, Raven lost Finn and Sinclair, Clarke lost Finn and Lexa. So who have you lost?" I growled. I saw the hurt in everyone's eyes as I called out the dead. Raven stepped towards me and put her hand on shoulder. Clarke stepped away and looked out the window, a tear rolling down her cheek and Jasper, he just stayed in the doorway and stared at us. "C'mon, Bellamy, who have you lost?"
"I lost, I lost Gina," Bellamy sadly said as a tear rolled down his cheek.
"You didn't even love her! You were sweet on Clarke, pining for her to come back, so don't bullshit me. You took away Lincoln, you caused this. You may as well have pulled the trigger!" I screamed and I pushed him, his head banged on the wall.

"Easy, calm down," Raven told me.
I looked at Raven, still shouting, "No, I won't calm down. He killed Lincoln. Like he killed those grounders. You blame Clarke for killing the Mountain Men, but she did that to save us," I then scowled at Bellamy, pointing at him, I snarled, "You, you, Bellamy, you killed innocent people for no reason. You are the murderer. Clarke did what she had to, to survive. You killed because you're a monster," I growled. I saw the hurt in his eyes and then I walked away. I walked past Jasper and out of my room.

* * *

The canteen is a strange place. It's full of people and different sized tables and there's a buffet with different food. Fruit, bread, eggs, milk, cheese. They have a farm. I was sat on my own. I had a bowl of strawberries and I was nibbling on them. Jasper and Raven follows me after I stormed out. We were sat in silence. I was staring outside the Windows at the forest, I would love to just run away. Be free in the forest away from all this bullshit. But I promised Monty. When his mother died, I promised him. I'm not Skai Cru. I'm not Tree Cru. I'm not grounder. I am The 100 and we survive together. We don't know what happened to Monty. We haven't seen him since we left him at the ship. We don't mention Monty, it might break Jasper. Monty was the only thing Jasper had left and visa versa. We've all lost people. And I know I was unfair to Bellamy, he has lost people. Our mother. But I can't forgive him. If he didn't join Pike, then Lincoln would be with me, eating strawberries or in the cave.