The 100: Ways To Survive

Chapter 26: Kisses

Jasper

I watched them walk away through the dark forest, I hope Monty is okay. I then turned around and joined Octavia by the fire, she was sat on a log staring at the flames. I sat next to her. Bellamy and Clarke walked past us, heading towards the lake. Everything was silent but the crackle of the wood burning on the fire.

I looked at Octavia in her greenish-blue eyes, "Do you think she's telling the truth?" I quietly asked her.
She stared at me for a few seconds, lost in thought and she nodded and quietly replied, "I hope so," and then she smiled, "If not I'll kill her myself."
I half-smiled too. I grabbed an arrow that Rose had been making and started prodding the fire. I was awake during Rose's conversation, maybe we can trust her, I'm still not sure. And I still doubted Murphy's loyalty to us, but his words, saying I wasn't always like this.

I stared at the fire poking it and then I said, "Do you, erm, do you think that I'm a... that I'm a," I looked at her eyes, "that I'm a bad person?"
Octavia shook her head, "No. This is because of what Murphy said?"
I shrugged and stared back at the flames.
"We've all made mistakes," Octavia comforted me, "you have never killed anyone."
"I hurt Harper and basically abandoned Monty," I said in disgust at myself. Monty was my best friend, I've hurt him so much. With my drinking and arguments and I even took the chip. I just didn't want to feel this... this emptiness inside. I miss Maya and it hurts like hell. She died in my arms, her face and body plagued with radiation.

"The chip made you do that," Octavia firmly said, and then she put her hand on my shoulder and leaned closer, I looked her in the eyes, she looked in mine and then she asserted, "you're forgiven."
I looked back at the fire and she removed her hand from shoulder and intertwined it with her other one. "We did some bad things to Murphy," I mumbled.
"He did some bad things to us," Octavia dismissed me, and then our eyes met again, "he wanted to kill you, Jasper. Don't feel bad for him."
"You saved me," I smiled, remembering the time I was basically dead and if it wasn't for Octavia then I'd be dead, I wouldn't have ever met Maya. Some might say it would've been better to die, then I wouldn't be suffering now.

"No," Octavia shook her head, "Clarke and Finn and Monty saved you, I just defended you against our camp," she smiled, and then she softly said, "you saved me."
"By dragging you out that lake?" I asked her, shaking my head and smiling, "that feels like a lifetime ago."
"It was," Octavia muttered, looking down at the flames, and then laughed, "we both had different hair then, practically different people."
"I never took my goggles off," I sighed out of happiness.
"No you didn't," Octavia nudged me lightly, grinning.

"I've been thinking about what you said," I blurted out in a sadder tone, Octavia stared at me intently, her eyes locked on my brown ones. I looked away, back at the fire and my poking stick, "You're right. You and Monty and even... Clarke, worked well to save me back in the dropship. You, Bellamy and Clarke and Raven and who knows how many people, rescued me and Monty and the others from the Mountain, I'm grateful," and then I chucked the stick down in anger, "I just wish there was some other way! A way where she didn't have to..." I couldn't finish and a felt tears come from my eyes. Octavia wrapped her arms around me, and pulled me closer our cheeks touching. I put my hands over my eyes, wiping the tears away.

"I know," Octavia mumbled into my hair, well lack of.
"I'm sorry," I cried, "I'm sorry for all of the anger and hatred. I just miss her so much."
"It's okay," Octavia mumbled and then she bitterly laughed, "I beat Bellamy black and blue when-"
"I would've too," I nodded and then, with her arms still around my shoulders I turned my head to face hers, my hands holding her arms.
"I remember when you kissed me," I half laughed, tears still coming out of my eyes.
"Because I was happy to see you hadn't died," Octavia smiled, her eyes had become cloudy too.
"Well, I'm glad you saved me, it was worth living for," I said and then I blushed and looked at the fire.
I felt her lips lightly press on my cheek, making the fire in my cheeks grow larger, and I looked into her eyes and smiled, "What was that for?"
"To make you glad you lived a little longer," Octavia smiled and then she stood up, "I'm sorry but I need to take a leak," she half-laughed, and I watched her walk towards the left, into the woods. I shook my head, a few months ago, that kiss would've meant everything to me. Everything. But so much has changed since then. I mean, she's still a beautiful warrior princess, but we're both still broken. That's the thing about love: it either saves and heals you, like with Murphy, or completely destroys you like Finn.