Life lessons (TW novel #1)

Chapter 37

Two weeks later

After getting out of the hospital and giving birth to my dead child, Nathan convinced me that we should cut our honeymoon short, to go back home and be with family and friends. I walk through the front door to our apartment, nothing has changed it’s all the same.

‘I’m going to take a shower,’ I say just above a whisper.

I walk upstairs, into our room to find some clothes to wear. After finding a pair of tracksuit pants and an oversized jumper, I walk into out joining bathroom. I run the water to the shower, setting it to the right temperature, I turn around, looking at myself in the mirror. The bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, a few tears escape like they have been the past few days. I reach into my make up bag, looking for a hair-tie, but I pull out my blade instead. A quiet knock at the door breaks me from my thoughts; I quickly put the blade back in the bag, just as Nathan walks in. He stands behind me, hesitantly wraps his arms around my waist. I relax in his embrace, resting my head against his chest.

‘I got to go to the studio to meet the lads, and let them know what’s going on,’ he whispers into my ear, way to ruin the moment.

The steam from the shower fogs the mirror; Nathan turns me around still in his embrace. He places a kiss on my forehead, before pecking me on the lips.

‘I’ll be back in an hour or two.’

‘Okay,’ I whisper as he walks out of the bathroom, leaving me alone.

I stand under the hot water, my head hanging low as the water rushes down my neck and back, my hands in fists against the shower wall. A few tears escape, getting washed away by the water, falling across my face. I take a deep breath, turning around, to slide gently down the wall, sitting on the floor, the water hitting my legs and head, falling down my face.

I don’t know how long had pasted, the bathroom door opens, letting a cold breeze into the room, the shower water cold against my skin. Tears still falling down my face. Nathan shuts off the water, grabbing a towel and helping me out of the shower.

‘Where you in there the whole time I was gone?’ he asks wrapping a towel around me.

I can’t muster up the strength to speak. The words catching in the back of my throat, stopping me from saying anything. I nod my head slightly letting him know the best I could.

‘I told the guys that I’m taking a few days of personal time, but the tour is still on, but they just pushed it back a week.’

I hug the towel to my body, leaving Nathan’s embrace, to put my tracksuit pants and jumper on. I climb into the bed, wrapping myself under the blanket. The other side of the bed dips as Nathan lies behind me, turning me around to face him, as he pulls me closer to his chest.

‘Could you call Nicola for me?’ I whisper into his chest.

‘Okay, I’ll ask her to come over tomorrow for you.’

My eyes open to the sudden sound of Nathan’s ring tone, he quickly grabs his phone reading the text message displayed.

‘I’m sorry, Kiara, but the guys need me at the studio, I don’t know how long I shall be, it’s to finish that last two songs for the album,’ he says, kissing my forehead and getting off the bed.

‘Yeah, sure. Leave me to deal with this all by myself, while you go out with the guys and act like nothing has happened.’

‘I’m still here for you if you need me. Its just parts for the songs, the boys don’t want to put the album release date back any further. I’m sorry.’

I roll over to face the wall, kicking the blanket off in anger, as Nathan leaves without another word.

Hey, I heard the news, do you want some company? – Nicolla.

Hey, yeah that would be nice actually. – Kiara

***

Within half hour I hear a loud knock at the front door. I get out of bed, dragging my feet along to greet Nicolla. As soon as I open the door, Nicolla attacks me with a tight hug, putting a brief smile on my face at the sudden movement.

‘How are you doing?’ she asks, releasing me from her grip.

‘Struggling,’ I reply, closing the door and following her into the living room.

‘I’m sorry it ruined your honeymoon, that would be really hard to deal with.’

I sit down opposite her, fighting back the urge to want to cry again. I fidget with my hands in my lap, not wanting to make eye contact.

‘It must have been a sign, that we weren’t meant to have kids, or that we shouldn’t have gotten married, but I don’t know something like that. It was just fate, and I don’t know how to handle it.’

‘You and Nathan will get through this together, you are both strong people. Maybe you weren’t meant to have a child now, but you will have one or even more in the near future.’

‘I don’t know about that,’ I say grabbing a tissue and blowing my nose.

‘Where is Nathan?’ she asks, walking into the kitchen to grab two glasses and a bottle of wine.

‘Back at the studio for the second time today.’

‘Maybe that’s how he is trying to deal with it, surround himself with the boys, get his mind off it by working,’ she says, handing me a glass of red wine.

I take a few sips before answering, ‘but we should at least be helping each other deal with this, he just seems like he doesn’t want to face the fact that it happened, like he is trying to avoid me as much as possible.’

‘Have you thought of seeing someone to talk to about all of this? To see if that could help.’

‘Yeah I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon, maybe talking with someone who is a stranger and won’t judge will do some good.’ I refill my glass taking a sip before talking, ‘What am I suppose to do if the person who makes me the happiest, is also apart of the reason for my sadness?’

‘I suggest you two sit down and talk when he gets home, and try to sort something out, talk to each other about your feelings. I have to go now, but good luck, and hope it’s better.’

She lets herself out, leaving me in the living room with my glass of wine still in hand. I place my glass down, and lay down on the couch, letting sleep take over.