365 Days (Part 2) | ✓

275. Wishful Thinking

275. Wishful Thinking: Write about a wish you have.

Okay, so I completely missed this prompt and posted the next one yesterday. So! Sorry about that!

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"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are..."

I never wished for things on my birthday candles. Mainly because at the time everyone was standing around me with their candles at the ready, and I didn't concentrate on "Okay, what do I want to magically will the universe to give me."

Wishes are something tricky. Disney loves the idea of wishing for something and it coming true. That's why I love Disney and what they represent so much: the happy endings -- the impossible happy endings -- being granted to the worthy recipient.

I looked up the definition of wishing just to make this more intelligent and it came up as:

wish. feel or express a strong desire or hope for something that is not easily attainable; want something that cannot or probably will not happen.

This doesn't sit well with me. Wishing is like dreaming for something that won't ever happen, that you don't expect to happen, that may be impossible to happen, but that you want to happen. And that seems like an unfortunate waste of time and emotions.

Yet, I can't deny that I have wishes. That when I'm alone and there's nothing to occupy my mind or hands, I think of these wishes. I can't deny that I pray they'll happen.

I would rather set goals and work toward them than wish for something impossible. Mostly, that's what I do, but this is about those wishes -- those things that feel impossible but so desired we think about them anyway.

If I'm to be honest, I do have a wish. It's my biggest and best one. It's also the one thing I want that I'm ashamed about, because it makes me feel silly and shallow -- and though I confess I'm quite ridiculous, I really aim not to be shallow.

So I'll confess: I really wish this one boy would like me.

Are you cringing? I am. I'm cringing so badly. That's terrible, isn't it? That my one impossible wish that I want is about a boy! Ack.

Yet -- yet because this is about wishes, I want to attempt to explain myself.

I don't have a lot of wishes. I have goals. Do I wish to be fit and in shape? I exercise. Do I wish to be smarter? I study, experience, and use my brain. Do I wish people would like me? I like people first, and their liking will most likely come. After all, it's quite difficult to dislike someone who obviously likes you.

But this is a wish because it's impossible. I can't influence this because it's up to someone else. It's impossible because there's a handy dandy little thing called woman's instinct, and it's a great aid in knowing when someone doesn't like you. My instinct is screaming that I'm not liked.

At least, in this way.

This boy -- actually, he's a man now -- used to be one of my best guy friends. I know he likes me as a friend, but no more than that.

The thing about him is that he is the one of best men that I know. He is honorable, trustworthy, kind, hard working, intelligent, active, creative, sweet, and intentional. Lumping together all of those qualities in one sentence dulls their importance, but I can think of instances for each one where he showcased these attributes. His parents raised him carefully and thoughtfully, and they raised an excellent man.

Another thing about him is that he doesn't play around. He takes dating and marriage as seriously as I do. Even more so, maybe. That's a rare virtue to find in a young man, and I know it. When I confide in people about him, they encourage me to flirt with him, to try and make him jealous, or to do a variety of things that I know screams teen fiction romance. I don't because I don't want to play any game besides spoons, and that's intense enough for me, and because he doesn't play games either. I actually believe flirting will drive him away.

So you can see why I like this extraordinary human being? But he doesn't like me and I well know it.

That is why I am currently single, and my dwelling on him is why I avoid every other boy that shows interest, and why I will be living alone with my cats for a good long while.