Coming Out (GirlxGirl - LGBT)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

(Skylar's POV)

Sometimes I wonder if life is even worth it. I know I've been happy lately, but after a lot of thinking, I don't know anymore. Would I really be a good mother for Haze? I can't give her everything. My personality is just not right for her. Heather, she would be fantastic for her. I don't know if I could do it. What's the point of life anyway? If you aren't successful or rich, you're fucked. I'm neither. I never will be. I'm a teen mom. What the fuck am I going to do with life? I just find it pointless. There's nothing good about it. Sure, shit can be alright. Other than that though, there's just no point.

The thoughts were circling through my head as I started to fall asleep. I don't feel life is worth it. Hazelyne will hate me when she's sixteen anyway. There's no point. I don't even know. Maybe this is just the hormones kicking in. Either way, I don't want to deal with this shit. I passed out, and didn't dream. It was just empty space. Nothing was there.

Suddenly, I woke up and walked downstairs.

"What's going on?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"Ryan came over." My eyes went wide. What the fuck?

"What?" I was worried. He said something about wanting to be in our lives and shit.

"You can be in her's, but not mine or my child's." I simply stated, walking to the kitched to grab a can of coke.

"She's hormonal. She'll come around." I heard her say as I walked back to the living room.

"No I won't." I said as I walked back upstairs. I drank my coke, and fell asleep.

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I woke up around ten the next morning and started writing my thoughts from my journal last night. Heather came up about an hour later. I looked up at her,

"Food?" She nodded. I knew her way too well.

We walked downstairs and I devoured half the food.

"She's hungry today." She said with a slight chuckle.

"Yeah. She always is. She takes after her mama." I said, rubbing my baby bump. Such a precious little girl.

"I love you." Heather suddenly said.

"I  love you too." I responded. I kissed her, and we went about our day. 

A few hours later

After that, we watched some scary movies, went to HuHot, in which I devoured again, and then just sort of chilled. We crawled into bed, and she passed out almost right away, but I just laid there, staring at the wall. So many thoughts were circling through my head. I didn't know what to do. I'd probably feel better in the morning though, so I closed my eyes and waited for the bliss of sleep to wash over me.

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I woke up before Heather for once. I sort of rolled out of bed and walked downstairs. Turning on the TV, I channel surffed. I found a show I liked. I didn't know what it was, but it caught my interest. Before I knew it,  two hours passed and Heather was walking down the stairs. 

"Hey baby." She said with a cute little smile.

"Hey sweetie." I responded. She came up, kissed me on the cheek, lifted up my legs and sat down. She put my legs back over her lap, and we watched whatever the hell was on TV. It was calming. Not a lot went on lately. It was as if we were already a married couple. All we ever did anymore was watch movies and TV and hang out. There was never anything else to do. We couldn't go out and really do anything since I was pregnant. The only things to do in this town were get high, drunk, or laid. I laughed a bit at my thoughts, and she  smiled at me. It's almost like she knew what I was thinking. 

I smiled at her, got up, and gave her a kiss.

"I'm going to go right for a bit. I'll be back down in a while." She nodded in response and I waddeled my way back up the stairs. I grabbed my notebook, and wrote.

I was wrong. My feelings and thoguhts didn't go away. I just want to end it all. I can't take this bullshit anymore. Where the fuck is Zane when I fucking need him?! He's the only one who's ever been able to talk me out of this shit. The only one who was ever able to keep me alive. It breaks my heart a little bit more every day knowing that I'm going to look at Haze and see so much of him in her. My best friend, who knocked me up and abandoned me. I can't handle this! I need to call him. But what if he wants nothing to do with me? It's worth a shot I guess. What do I have to lose?

I had nothing to lose. I already lost him once, so how can I lose him again? He's either gone for good and it's coming back, or he'll realized he fucked up and return.

I dialed his number. It rang once, twice, three times. 

Then he answered. 

"Hello?"

"Zane?" 

"Yeah. Who's this?" Ouch.

"Um. Skylar." I  responded. He was quiet for a minute, and I thought he hung up.

"What do you want." It was more of a harsh statment that a question.

"You. I need you right now Zane. To keep me alive."

"You have Heather for that."

"She doens't know the thoughts I've been having you fuck! No one knows! You're the only one who was ever able to talk me out of stupid shit." I was in tears at this point.

"Whatever Sky. I already told you, I'm out of your life. If you want to kill yourself, before or after it's born, be my fucking guest. Why would I give a shit?" He was very mean about it.

"Do you mean any of the things your saying?" I asked him.

"If I didn't, why the fuck would I be saying it?" He hung up, and I cried. 

I guess he really didn't give a fuck. At that point though, i realized I should keep my life for my daughter. She already doesn't have a dad, and I don't want her to lose her biological mother. 

I don't want her to grow up like me.

I want her to have the best life she can possibly have.

She deserves it.