Beacon of Hope

Chapter Eight <3 Trying Again

I lie in my bed, and Peeta holds a spoon to my mouth. I wont eat, I wont drink. The vegetable soup dribbles down my chin and he wipes my face softly with his sleeve. He trys to coax more in, but I keep my mouth shut, and the small splatter that falls into my mouth, I gather with saliva and let it sit there.

" Please, Katniss," Peeta beggs, tears in his eyes. I shake my head. I haven't spoken to anyone, not since we lost the baby. I haven't eaten, I haven't drunk. It's been three days and I'm seriously dehydrated and sick. But still I wont eat. Hopefully, by the time we reach the Capitol in a few hours, I'll be dead.

No such luck.

We enter the Capitol a few hours after. I try to look happy, but I really don't think it comes across how miserable I am, since the people are so stupid. We make multiple public appearences, kissing whenever we can. We hold hand, we do everything to convince the President of our love.

Ceaser Flickerman glides through our interview, making it somewhat easier to be on the stage. His hair is still dyed blue, his lips, eyebrows and eyelids still tinted a baby, powder blue. He asks nothing about our baby, but I see him glance at my belly a few times. Ceaser asks about our future and Peeta gets down on one knee. My heart feels as if it's going to burst out my chest, and fly into the cheering crowd. I stare at him, beconing him on. He begs me to marry him, and of course, I agree. He stands up and kisses me full on the lips and the crowd erupts into cheers. Ceaser is, as usual, beside himself with our engagment.

I want to marry Peeta. But I also want my baby back, so, for now, I can't be happy. However, I pretend to be ecstatic, blubbering and kissing him throughout the rest of the interview.

When President Snow gives a surprise visit, I am miserable. Of course, he'll ask about our baby. He grasps Peeta's hand and slaps his shoulder, approvingly. He hugs me in a tight embrace, and I almost puke over his shoulder at the smell of roses. I dare to raise a brow, instead of asking, did it work? Did they believe me? Am I safe? Is my family safe?

To respond, he turns to Peeta, then back to me, and shakes his head slightly.

No. It wasn't enough.

- - -  * * *  - - -

Peeta and I lie in bed. He strokes my hair and I cry into his shoulder. Everything is being destroyed and I don't know what to do anymore. What is the point in me living? He's going to kill my family. Gale. My Peeta.

" It's not fair," I blubber, between sobs.

" I know, Katniss. But he wont do anything to your family. To- to gale." He's always hated Gale, but he knows I care about him, so he wouldn't let him die. " I wont let them."

But I don't mean them. I mean it. " No, not them. It's not fair, Peeta. It's not fair that I can't even give you a kid without it being ruined." He pulls away from me, looking at me with tears in his eyes.

" You're enough for me, Katniss," he says. " We can always try again."

I think he's joking, but I want to try again. I can't let them take another childs life away. " Can we? Can we try now?"

He says. " 'Course." He shrugs and grins at me. He rolls on top of my and kisses me. I giggle and kiss him back. He pulls my closer to him, so we are physically smashed together, but I never feel close enough. He rolls me over, and pulls the cover over us. Tumbling around under me, he fumbles to kiss me back.

And we try again.

- - -  * * *  - - -

We're in the doctors office, and she hands me to stick. I kiss Peeta's cheek and run to the toilet. I pee on the stick, but since I'm more excited this time, it doesn't take me as long. I run back and sit beside Peeta, then hand the stick to the doctor. Again, she says our results will be back in a couple hours, and we can go back to our compartment. We rush to our compartment and sit on the bed, talking excitedly about our baby. We don't think about whether I'm actually pregnant or not.

Doctor Jean knocks on the door. Peeta shouts for her to come in. She opens the door timidly and hands me a sheet of paper, grinning. I read it, then read it again, and again and again. And mabey even once more. I laugh then read it aloud. " Results; Positive. Peeta, I'm pregnant!" He runs to my side and looks at the sheet of paper. He grins and pulls me into a kiss. I turn to doctor Jean, " Thank you! Thank you so much!" I smile.

" Your welcome, dear! Cogratulations!" She says, and pecks my cheek. She does the same with Peeta then leaves our room, leaving Peeta and I to our own devices. As soon as she's gone, I squeal and Peeta wraps me in his arms, envoloping me in his warm embrace.

Kids was never part of the plan for me. Infact, the plan was, avoid kids at all costs. Gale wanted kids, but then again, that's never been a problem, because we've never been anything romantic. But, the risk of sending more children into the games, just to have a baby, is not worth it.

But, when I look at Peeta, and see how much I love him, I realise that I love him so much, and I'll do anything that makes him happy. And when I first felt our baby inside me, I was filled with such warmth and love, that I feel, now, as if I can't live without a child.

And, now, we're having a baby!

We're getting married soon. In the Capitol. President Snow suggested it. Ceaser asked about a date, but, failing to be funny, Snow said we'd better ' clear it with my mother' first. I let out a fake giggle.

Oh, the fun we two have together.

We're back in the train now, on our way home. I'm thinking about the watch with the Mockingjay on it, the one that Plutarch Heavensbee, the new Head Gamemaker, showed me. I squint and Peeta looks at me carefully. I shake the frown away and smile up at him. Effie told us to get to bed, so we don't argue. We're too happy to.

My eyes flutter open, and it's late afternoon. I'm cradled in Peeta's arms. I look up at him. " No nightmares," he says.

" What? Oh yeah, well, I had a particularly good night last night." I yawn. " I had a dream. About Rue. She was a Mockingjay, and I was following her through the woods. She was singing, that beautiful voice of hers. It made me feel happy."

" Did she take you somewhere?" He asks.

I shake my head. " We never got there. But, I think it was a hint. Abou something or other. How come you never wake me up when you have nightmares?"

" Because I don't wake you, duhh." He says.

I giggle, then my serious face returns. " Why don't you wake me?"

" I don't need too," he says. " My nightmares. They're about losing you. I'm ok once I wake up and find you here. I'll be worse when we get home and I'm sleeping on my own." Oh, yeah. We're almost home.

I shrug. " You don't need to be alone everynight. I'm always going to be here for you,"

Tonight, in district 12, for the Harvest Festival, we'll be having a dinner at Mayor Undersee's house. Then, back to the Victory Tour, we'll be doing our victory rally in the square. We normally celebrate the Harvest Festival, but noramally it consists of a meal or a small dinner party.

I'm glad I'll be at the Mayors house, since I am good friends with his daughter, Madge. The train grinds to a halt and we are ushered into the Mansion. I kiss Peeta and run up the stairs. Madges room is on the second floor and I peek my head into her fathers study to say hi. But he's not here. I stop to watch clips of me and Peeta flashing on the T.V. Dancing, eating, kissing, more kissing. I'm sick to death with the star crossed lovers. I want us to be normal.

I'm about to leave the room when the T.V makes a beeping noise. I turn on my heel and stare at the T.V screen. The words 'DISTRICT EIGHT' flash across the screen. I knit my eyebrows together and watch the T.V.

A woman drones on and on and they cute away from her, showing us District 8. There are people tipping over bins, knocking down buildings. Heck, wrestling Peacekeepers.

So. This is what President Snow calls an uprising.