The Ability to Fall (Death Note)

02 ♚ Memories

♚ : 02

— Memories —

After several weeks of helplessly trying to adapt to Lawliet's absence, I wandered around for a day to visit the parts of the orphanage that he and I had gone to in the past. I looked back at the open field we always liked to go to, and a series of flashbacks had taken place in my mind.

“Ryuzaki!” a little girl laughed, chasing a small boy around the entire area.

I giggled at the thought of his horrible posture even as a young boy. Suddenly, the two had grown into their pre-teen years, sitting on the white bench by the biggest tree in the park. For some reason, the girl, me, appeared to be upset. I suddenly remembered what had happened, closed my eyes, and completely sunk into the flashback.

“What exactly do I look like?” I asked, looking to the side so that I could see his face.

"What do you mean?"

"Am I really that much of a bad person?  What did I do to deserve something like that?"

His expression had become slightly angry. Not at me, but at one of my crushes who had humiliated me. “Don't think about yourself that way because of someone so insignificant,” he said, reaching over with his right hand and brushing a stray tear away.

"I'm serious," I said, not completely hearing what he'd said.

He pressed his thumb to his lips, contemplating what to say next. "Kyou," he began.

I looked over at him, as he did with me.  I could have sworn I saw a slight smile on his lips.  He did this a lot when he was trying to hide a smile from me, but I've known him for way too long for him to fool me.

"What?"

"To answer your question," he began, "you look like you."

I almost laughed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't change for anyone but yourself, because I like you the way you are."

I felt blood rushing to my face at the fact that I'd realized that the word 'like' came out of his mouth, but I knew he probably didn't mean it in that way.

He nodded and ruffed my hair up. "Really."

I smiled.

Lawliet's words never failed to make me feel better.  He was wise for someone who didn't have very good social skills. “Let’s get something to eat now,” he said, getting up and stretching.

I eyed him suspiciously. “Not raw sugar cubes again, right?”

“Who knows?” he grinned, hopping off the bench and sprinting towards my house. I laughed along, jogging after him.

My smile faded, and reality set back in, and my eyes wandered towards the screen on my cell phone. After panicking because of how late it had gotten, I made a run for my dorm.

After quietly walking in, trying not to the girls in the rooms next to me, I took a quick shower and changed into my pajamas.  I curled up in my warm comforter, energy draining from me as my eyelids began to droop. I yawned, and after saying one more time in my head that I missed Lawliet, drifted off to sleep.

I was growing worried; a year had passed. I called and emailed him once a week for the entire year, even though I doubted he'd respond. There was always a small chance.

One night, after deciding that all of this would be too much stress added on to my life, I told myself I'd call him one last time. My conscience was telling me that I probably wouldn't be hearing from him again if he didn't pick up this time. Although I was secretly hoping for him to respond only in the back of my mind, my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach when I heard the call forward to the voice mail. 

My attempts at contacting him again had stopped altogether after that one night. I already had enough on my plate, and this was just weighing me down even more. My best friend was now my old best friend, and I decided to put the past behind me.  I figured it was time for me to start living.

Another whole year had passed since he and I ceased contact with each other.

As I walked through the double doors at the end of the last day of lessons for the year and into the summer sunset, a group of my classmates were nearby, laughing and reminiscing about our experiences a few years back.

“Hah!  Yeah, I remember him!” one girl giggled.

“Oh, he was cute,” another sighed dreamily.

“Ew, gross!  You have some weird taste in guys, don't you?”

“I've seen weirder.  Remember that Ryuzaki kid?”

“Oh, right.  He was definitely this place's top breed, though. Where the heck did he go, anyways?”

I froze and dropped my textbooks on the pavement. It was the first time I'd heard his name in a while.  I could put up a front all I wanted, but at the mentioning of his name alone, I was back to square one.  I shook my head, picked my books up, and began to walk in the direction of my dorm area. I wanted to see Lawliet again; I wanted to see him so badly that merely hearing his name would be emotionally painful.

I ran into Roger's office, winded. "R-Roger," I stammered, "I have a few questions about transferring."

* * *

Settling into my room, I pulled up my computer and typed my mom's number in.  I needed to speak to her immediately as well.

"Mom?" I smiled as soon as her face appeared on the screen.

“Hi, dear," she smiled.  It broke my heart; this was going to be tough to tell her, considering that we've gotten so used to seeing each other many times a week in person.  "What's the matter?” she asked.  She could probably detect the faltering in my voice and the pained expression on my face.

“I've been thinking about studying abroad for university,” I replied.

She hesitated, but gave me a look which told me that she respected my decision. I was glad I had her trust; without it, I wouldn't have been able to make such a choice. 

“Which university do you have in mind?” she asked.

“One in Japan.”