I took a deep breathe and told myself that I could do it. I can talk to Lisa. I can. My chest moved up and down as I breathed slowly and steadily. I smiled to myself. Talking to Lisa, how hard could it be ? Just walk to her, say hi, tell her she looks extremely gorgeous, tell her you're glad to see her again. What's so nerve-wrecking about that ?
I'll tell you what's so nerve-wrecking about talking to Lisa. A voice in my head spoke up. Talking to someone isn't scary at all. But it's so goddamn scary when you're talking to the girl that you're hopelessly devoted to.
I wish I'm not in love with Lisa. So I could talk to her. So I could hug her without feeling awkward. So I could be close to her. So she could have me as her best guy friend. So I could protect her like a brother. So I could get jealous over her. So I could care for her like a mother. So I could kiss her randomly on the forehead.
Wait.
Those are the things boyfriends do.
I've never in my whole life been in love. I have not the slightest clue wether I'm just crushing on her or I'm really in love with the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I have had several crushes before but I've never felt anything like this. It's....... amazing. She's on my mind all day and all night. Just thinking about her makes me smile and there's this...thing going on in my stomach. Its not butterflies, it's much more than that. There's a whole zoo in my tummy.
I can't seem to get her out of my mind. I always fantasize about her. When we're making our new music video, if I have to act all romantic and shit with this random girl, I'll always pretend that that's Lisa. Sometimes I can't sleep at night. I always wonder about how she's doing, who's she's in love with, what going on in her mind, was it me ? Was it someone else? Can she fall in love with me ? Is that impossible? What if I'm her boyfriend? Would I be able to take good care of her ? Endless questions of what-ifs fill up my mind every night.
I always always miss her. I glanced at her. There she was. I was still missing her. Is this how love feels like ? If it is , then I want to keep on falling in love with her.
I can't take it anymore. I want to talk to her , i need to talk to her. I have to. I straighten up and walked towards her direction. Oh god oh god she's looking at me. Holy shit don't look ohmygod. Oh dear god stop, stop at what you're doing. She's still staring at me. Oh my goodnes her stare. Her eyes , ahhhhh. I tried so hard to act cool and not nervous at all even though inside I'am collapsing.
God these drunk people are.......drunk. Do they even know who they are bumping into ? Oh yeah , no. I put my hands in my pockets to warm them up. For some reason, my hands felt cold and clammy. Its entirely Lisa's fault. I backed away from people who came barging into me.
For goodness sake, this guy fucken walked right into me and spilled his drink on my damn top.
"What the-" I was so pissed. I stumbled forwards and landed on Lisa's feet.
Oh. My. God.
Seriously.
What a fool.
I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself.
I landed face first on the floor. Fuck. I wanted to lay there and dissapear. But I could'nt.
"Are you okay?" She asked , with a concerned tone.
I looked up and saw her offering her hand at me. I smiled at her gratefully. omFG did she blush?????????????????? She's turning beetroot and its so adorable. She was so so so gorgeous in that dress. It showed off her legs. I've always loved her legs.
Oh god she's so so so pretty. She's perfect. Her face, ugh how ravishing. Even if she's not wearing make up, which she usually doesnt. Her features are so stunning. Her beautifully shaped nose, her round eyes, blessed with long, thick black eyelashes. Her lips, ah, how kissable. So pink , so soft. Her hair. Its long and wavy. She usually wears it up, in a messy bun or a ponytail. But tonight,she's let her hair down. I'm not complaining. Her hair was so sleek and so so so soft, falling past her shoulders like a waterfall. How I longed to run my fingers through her hair, feel the softness on my fingers.
I can't describe her. She's just beautiful. Everything about her. Her laugh, her smile, her body, her face, her heart, everything. I love her. She's amazing.
I'm gazing at her beautiful eyes now. I told her yes, I'm fine. I took hold of her hand and she pulled me up. The minute our skin made contact, I felt tingles on my hand. I wanted to hold her hand longer. But I couldnt. She let go off my hand and I brushed the dirt of my top. Oh great a beer stain. Right when I'm with Lisa. ok. Then,I said Hi to her. Im stupid. Im stupid. Im stupid.
"H-Hi," She stuttered. shE STUTTERED WHAT THE HELL. WAS SHE NERVOUS???????????? fuck. No, could'nt be, could'nt be.
I comlimented her. She needed complimenting, with that va va voom dress. Wooooooooooo. She tahnked me politely and complimented me right back. I didn't say thanks because she obviously didn't mean it. After a few seconds, we were staring into each other's eyes again. Shit she's beautiful.
"You two lovebirds might wanna get a room," Elle snapped with annoyance in her voice. Myra chuckled and made puke noises. I almost forgot that those two idiots are here.
"Shut up," I snapped back and blushed. Why do people blush. Why do I blush at the wrong time. Why. "Wonderful to see you here."
"The feeling is mutual," Really Lisa? I certainly hoped she was really glad to see me here. After a few awkward stares , we finally talked normally. A discussion about traffics,parties and such. I was telling her about my sister and her strange obsession with clothes when I stopped in mid-sentence.
"Kris? You were saying?" She asked.
I shook my head. "Forget about that. I want to tell you something else."
"Proceed,"
I wanted to tell her that I have a huge crush on her. My mind told me to. My heart agreed with my mind.
"I-"
I was cut off by this random ass dude, shouting at Lisa. I was fairly annoyed and pissed. I was having a moment with Lisa. Could he not. Then that fucker started claiming that he was Beau and he pretended to be oh, so heartbroken about Lisa not recognising him. He fucking stuck his lower lip out. How fucking stupid is that. God I hate him. My heart skipped a beat when Lisa's face lit up and hugged him tightly. He returned that hug too. I wanted to fucking stab him in the throat. Lisa's mine. I decided not to act like a dick and just glared at them.
"Beau is my childhood friend. Fancy seeing you here, baby," Lisa explained and looked at him so lovingly. Why can't see look at me like that. Why can't she.
Baby? Oh. I see. I clenched my jaw. I'am definitely angry. I couldnt look at them so I decided to leave.
"Oh. I-I'll leave you guys alone. Bye, nice talking to you Lisa and you, Beau," I said, smiling weakly before walking out of the room.
I'm heartbroken.
