REBEL HEART
Luxury never made me happy. It's just a distraction from this solitary world, only filling the shallow holes and never satiating the emptiness deep in my soul. At the end of the day, after the fleeting feeling of happiness had gone...
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GAB
We stayed at the truck watching the darkness engulfed the daylight. Soon the stars started to lit the night sky making the mood a little romantic. This is one of my ideal dates next to canoeing and I'm happy that I got to do it with the person who makes my heart skip a beat, Lexi.
We laid flat on our backs as we gazed into the stars and I would steal glances at her and my heart would swell just by looking at her. I don't know but I feel so captivated with Lexi, like something draws me to her and I can't figure out what is it. You can say that she got me under her spell and there was no way it's gonna be reverse, besides I don't mind.
Lexi's hair fell on the side of her face and I found my hands itching to touch them. I remember how they felt in my fingers and how crazy it made me feel inhaling its scent. I'm never the type to be too touchy with someone, but with Lexi it's all too different, like I always had the urge to touch her and wrap my arms around her.
Lexi and I talked about a lot of things and it's my first time to hear her talk about her mother. Ever since we met, I couldn't remember a time that she talked to me about her family. I guess it's a good sign because she's starting to let me in her life and it was a nice feeling that she's starting to open up with me and she's letting me get to know her even better.
"So you never really met your dad?'
"Nope! I couldn't even put a face. I never met the guy. I tried to sneak inside her room one time while she was out, but unfortunately I couldn't find anything that would help me. There were no pictures or letter or anything that can tell me that I had a father. It was like any traces were completely wiped out. I always wonder if we looked like each other because my mom and I had so little similarities"
"Didn't you asked your mom if he looked like you?
"Nah, every time I would ask mom about him, she'd get mad so I just choose not to ask. My mom and I didn't really have that mother and daughter bonding. Ours was more like a civil mom and daughter relationship. She tends to my needs like I'm some task to be accomplished and after that nothing more. We never had late night talks and I never got to share my first crush to her. I can count the number of times she kissed me with my fingers. She never asked how my day went or if I was doing okay. Basically nothing, we just existed at the house and we never talk. I tried so hard to build a relationship with her but I feel like she's always pushing me away. It's like she was too distant to me and she rarely shows affection. I couldn't help but think that my mother never really loved me or maybe having me was a mistake"
I swallowed the lump in my throat and I felt the throb in my heart. I mean a mother should be a child's safe haven. She should be the one to provide and teach her child the meaning of love. A mother should care and protect her child and always make sure that she is okay. But in Lexi's case, it's different. I let out a heavy sigh and spoke.
