REBEL HEART (GxG)

10

LEXI

We are having lunch in this cozy restaurant along the busy streets of Chicago. Jeremy wanted to have dinner instead of lunch so he can spend more time with me. But Mr. Ervy couldn't make it to lunch so he'll meet us over dinner. Jeremy is looking at me, displaying a set of perfectly white teeth. He talked about how his life was in India, how he was so depressed leaving this place and of course how he tried to forget me and move on. He said it was heart breaking but he was left with no choice. Jeremy is a sweet guy, he would open doors for me, he would let me sit first before him and he'd always ask if I was okay or if I need anything.

We've been hanging for almost a week now and I'm getting to know him again. For the last 12 years, lot of things has changed including him. He is always eager to see me and I'm just glad that he's not rushing me over, at least I guess he's not. Yesterday he told me that he wants me to be his girlfriend and I knew that was coming, that eventually he'll come up to me and tell me that. I still couldn't give him an answer and he assured me that it was fine and that maybe he was too aggressive and that he will give me time to think about it.

After our conversation last night, I tried to avoid getting into serious talks with him because I know that topic is just lurking around and waiting to be discussed. He seemed patient so I guess he's willing to wait. I just don't know if I can assure him that he's waiting for something, and that all his efforts wouldn't be gone to waste.

I mean Jeremy meant something to me. He was my first boyfriend and every memory I had of him were happiness and fun filled. And if you ask me if I can see myself married to him then maybe I would say yes. He is a good man, responsible and very hard working. But- the dreaded word BUT always comes into the picture.

But the thing is I do not know if I'll be happy with him. Maybe I wasn't that girl anymore, the one who gushes about a romantic and almost perfect boyfriend. It's just so conventional that it's get boring. If I were to be with someone, that person should make me feel happy.

Selfish you might say but I guess that's what matters most, being genuinely happy. And then Gab entered my mind. When we were dancing in the rain, it was the first in many years that I can say I was genuinely happy. Yes we were always bickering around but that doesn't mean I do not care about her and I think she cared about me too. Gab is this bad ass chick with a hard exterior but I know she has a soft heart. She covered for me twice, even taking the blame for me and she always thinks about my sake.

But the thought of me and Gab scares me, it wouldn't even work. I'm supposed to be with a man and not with another girl, that's just how it works. Besides, Gab's still young, maybe this is just a phase and that she's just experimenting, who knows she might still end up with a guy. I am twenty eight and I should be thinking about starting a family. I guess I should give it a shot with Jeremy. It's just different when he touches me, like I feel nothing than ordinary, so much more different when Gab laid her hands on mine that night. It made my skin tingle and every cell in my body was screaming to be touched again.

Here I am having lunch with Jeremy but thinking of Gab again. I can still picture it clearly in my mind. The look on her face when she saw me with Jeremy this morning tells it all. I heard her say something like "is this urgent" and that was the alibi I told Jenkins. But I know Gab, she knows better. Also she had no interest in meeting Jeremy. She just stormed off without even looking back. Is she jealous? Oh what am I even talking about? Gab is not interested with me, she's just thinking about me as a challenge she wants to overcome. She's being a tease. A tease I cannot have.

"Lexi, hey, are you okay"

"Hmm, yeah you were saying?"

I tried to blink all the thoughts about Gab in my head.